"Was it all a mission? Did we mean nothing to you?"

Chapter 1: No Other Option

Notes:

"It's sad when you have to choose between the lesser of two evils." - Meg White

Chapter Text

AN: I believe that Ward ejecting the pod was the lesser of two evils. It wasn't exactly the right choice but given the circ*mstances I too would probably choose a gamble which they could find a way out over a scenarioa they would more than likely die.

Fitz entered the lobby cautiously, an icer in his hand. He knew this was a bad idea but it was the only one he had. All SHIELD safe houses were being monitored in case Coulson showed up in one of them and he needed to make sure he wasn't being watched by the 'Real SHIELD' agents. He hoped he managed to lose them but he couldn't take any chances. If he did this in a public place, they would be hesitant to burst in, attack and steal the Toolbox but it would be very hard to work in such place. With Ward however... He was more of a gamble but he remembered Ward saying he indeed cared about them and he hoped he still felt the same way.

"Raise your hands."

Fitz did and turned around. He saw the face of the man he thought he would only see if they brought him in and put him in a cell again.

"Who else is with you?" Ward asked, pointing his gun at Fitz.

"No one, I hope so." he asnwered, causing Ward to frown. 'Who could Fitz be possibly hiding from?' he thought.

"What are you doing here?" Someone else asked behind him. Fitz looked over his shoulder and saw Agent 33 without May's face. She too had her gun in her hand but it wasn't trained on him.

"I need help. There were SHIELD agents following me."

"Why would Coulson have you followed?" Ward asked, slowly lowering his gun but not putting it into his holster. The last time he saw Coulson, the man had seemed unhinged a bit but he couldn't think of any reason for Coulson to distrust Fitz.

"They're not Coulson's men. There was another faction of SHIELD, one that opposes Coulson's leadership because of what Fury did. They raided the base." he responded.

"And you aren't sure that you lost them. I'll check it out." Ward said and turned to leave.

"Don't kill them." Fitz objected. Despite everything they did, they were still SHIELD agents who believed in doing the right thing.

Ward sighed and put his weapon in his holster and held out his hand. "Give me your icer."

Fitz handed it over to him and Ward told Kara to take him to their quarters. Kara lowered her gun too and held Fizt's arm. She took him to a decent room with a one huge bed, a table, a few chairs and one coach which she made him sit on. She took a chair and sat down as well. An uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"So what made you defect to HYDRA?" Fitz asked. He always wondered what HYDRA could possibly offer to a SHIELD agent. He knew that Palamas wasn't a HYDRA mole due to Coulson's attempt to recruit her.

Kara scowled, her calm expression replaced with fury. "I didn't. I was brainwashed." She shouted. The fact that Morse, another SHIELD agent handed her over to HYDRA was bad enough but Fitz asking this question confirmed her suspicions about how she had never bothered to tell anyone about it.

"I-I am sorry. I didn't mean to push." Fitz apologized. Kara noded but didn't say anything else.

Some later Ward came back. "It's clear." He turned to Fitz. "You managed to lose them. Congrats. You have come a long way since the last time we saw each other." he said and sat down next to Kara. "So, care to tell us why you are here or tell more about this 'Real SHIELD'?"

Fitz considered it for a second. It wasn't a good move to tell Ward about the conflicts going within SHIELD. He could use this information against them.

Seeing his hesitation, Ward decided to change the question. "Alright, don't. But I wonder how you found us." he asked with a tone that clearly stated Fitz couldn't leave until he told them.

Fitz looked at Kara. "Your mother. She talks a lot and has an amazing memory." he said, causing Ward sigh and Kara to look sheepish.

"Next time we visit her, not invite her here." Ward said.

Kara noded. "I'll pack our bags." she said. If Fitz could find, then anyone at SHIELD could.

"You're leaving this soon?" Fitz asked.

"We can't take the risk." Ward answered then took another look at Fitz. It was clear he was desperate. "Look, you can come with us if you tell me what you're exactly dealing with. Once you leave this place with us, you'll drag us into this mess as well and I would rather not be blind in the dark."

Fitz considered for a second. He needed help and Ward was probably the only one who could offer him that. He couldn't reach out to Hunter and Coulson, May and Simmons were out of question as well. And all the other agents of Coulson's were either across the globe or at the Playground, imprisoned.

He told him about Bobbi and Mack, how the 'Real SHIELD' agents bombed their base, took Coulson hostage, how May helped him escape and was taken into custody, how Gonzales, Mack and Bobbi had the nerve to ask him to open the Toolbox.

When he was finished, Ward looked amused, which wasn't that surprising now that he was one of SHIELD's most hated enemies.

"So, I wasn't the only traitor on the team. Man, Coulson needs to become more suspicious. May reported to Fury behind his back, I reported to Garrett, Mackenzie and Morse were planted by Gonzales to spy on him. He has a very bad record."

Sadly, Ward was right. They were decieved once again. It was becoming a bad habit.

"What now?" Fitz asked.

"My offer stands. You can come with us. But if you try to contact Coulson or anyone from SHIELD behind our backs, not that I think you'll be able to but if you try, you'll regret it." he warned.

Fitz noded.

Ward sighed and stood up. "Alright then. I'll help Kara with our package, you wait here and don't try anything."

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The journey took almost eight hours. They went to another motel, one that seemed to be as comfortable as the last one was. After Ward handled the entry, they went to their quarters. It wasn't very different from the other one but this time there were two beds.

"You can stay here with us until you solve the toolbox but once you do, you will tell us before contacting anyone. Got it?" Ward asked menacingly. He was taking a huge risk by sheltering Fitz, he couldn't take the chance.

Fitz noded.

"Good, my advice start tomorrow, you're exhausted."

Ward was right. The day had taken its toll on him. He made his way towards the bed but didn't get in it only sat down.

Ward knew he was afraid of him and he hated it. He never wanted to hurt anyone on the team. Especially FitzSimmons and Skye. He hated himself for the drastic changes they had.

"I won't kill you. If that was my intention, I would have done it back at the other motel." he said.

His words weren't exactly assuring but it was the truth.

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It took a lot of time for Fitz to fall asleep. He couldn't relax and rest knowing Ward was awake. And seeing this, Ward pretended to be asleep for a long time. At first Fitz was sure it was an act but as time went on he got more tired and eventually got inside the bed, hoping Ward's word had truth.

Towards midnight, Fitz began whimpering in his sleep. It had been a while since he got the nightmares about the pod but of course being in the same room with the man who ejected the pod would retrigger them.

Hearing Fitz whimper, Ward went to his side and gently woke him up. "Fitz, you're safe. It's just a nightmare." he said and it was enough to wake the younger man.

Forgetting where he was for a brief moment, Fitz tried to get away from Ward. Seeing how panicked he was, Ward raised his hands to show he wasn't gonna hurt him.

Fitz was still hyperventilating. He looked at his surrondings and tried to remeber why he was asleep in the same room with Ward.

Bobbi...

Mack...

The 'Real SHIELD'

It all came back, he fixed his breathing and sat on his bed. Ward took a bottle of water from the table and held it to him. "Want some?"

Fitz eyed him suspiciously, there was no way he could trust anything Ward gave him. Seeing this, Ward let out an exasperated sigh.

"Fitz, I tell you again. If I wanted to harm you, I would have already done it. And two." he said and opened the bottle. The little noise it made indicated it was being opened for the first time. "Now, would you like some?" he asked and held out it to him. Fitz took the bottle with a shaky hand and drank a little.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. Kara and he had managed to defeat their nightmares by opening up. Fitz could, too.

Fitz looked at him like he was insane. After everything he had done, he was offering emotional help for what was caused by him. "Well, I think you can understand as you're the one who sent me and Simmons into the bottom of the ocean." he raised his voice a bit at the last words.

Ward put a hand on his mouth and pointed Kara. "Don't wake her up." he whispered. Fitz shook his head. He couldn't believe that was what Ward was focusing on.

"I don't care if she wakes up or not." he said angrily. "I wonder if you regret dumping us out of the plane like trash!" he almost shouted.

"I was trying to give you a chance." Ward said, never breaking his composure.

"A chance!? How!? Enlighten me!"

"What would you have prefered I did?" he asked.

"Maybe try to help us for real! Or was everything a game for you?! Our friendship, Skye..." He replied angrily.

"Fitz enough! Listen to me! There were a dozen soldiers on the plane, including Deathlock. If they had learnt I didn't put you down, they would have. Let's say I had tried to defend you. I wouldn't have stood a chance against Deathlock. And Garrett? He got the GH formula and I watched as he ripped a man's heart out. I had to get you off the BUS and there was no other way. Do I regret that the pod sank? Yes. But ejecting it was only way to keep you and Simmons alive. Would I do it again if I had to? Yes, because your chances of surviving were far greater in a sinking pod than it was on that plane."

He said and gave Fitz some time to digest it. "And had it been a game, none of you would be alive. I had dozens of chances to cross you all off."

Fitz didn't react. He avoided eye contact and looked at floor. Ward stood up and went his way to the bed. He hadn't slept a bit and he, too needed some rest.

"Ward." Fitz called out. Ward turned to look at him and he was surprised to see the tears running down his face.

"If it hadn't been a game, then why weren't we enough? Why did you choose Garrett over us?"

Hearing that question, Ward's mask crumbled. He had asked those question to himself and the despair and self-loathing he had felt had been the reason of his suicide attempts.

"You were more than enough Fitz but I couldn't see it." he said. FitzSimmons used to be his younger siblings, Coulson had been more of a father figure than Garrett had ever been, May... He wasn't sure. Somewhere between an older sister and a friend. And Skye... She had been his light, his angel, the first to crack his armor and cause him to let the others in, warm their ways into his heart.

They had been the family he craved for but he hadn't seen it.

Chapter 2: A Chance

Notes:

"One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself." - Shannon L. Alder

Chapter Text

Fitz managed to sleep through the rest of the night without nightmares tormenting him after their 'talk'. Hearing more about Ward's perspective helped him relax a bit.

Next morning, Fitz was woken up by Ward who gently shook his shoulder. Fortunately, he didn't panic this time and was only a little disoriented. He immediately started working on the Toolbox. The sooner this was handled, the better.

"Don't you want eat something first?" Ward asked. "I can make a sandwich if you want. Sure it may not be as good as Simmons's but it should do it."

Fitz considered it for a second. He really was hungry and it was already hard to concentrate. Adding his hunger to the mix, it was worse. Trusting Ward with food wasn't wise but so far the man had done nothing to hurt him.

Seeing his skeptism, "Fitz, you have every right not ot trust me but I said it before and I say it again. If I had any intention of hurting you, I would have already done it. And I promise I will not posion your sandwich." Ward said. He was getting tired of assuring but it was needed.

"It would be nice." Fitz mumbled. Ward noded and some time later he came with one. Fitz started eating it. Ward was right, it wasn't as good as Simmons's but then no one could make it as good as her.

"So you and Simmons?.."

"No, and not any time soon. She sees me as a friend and nothing more." Fitz answered sadly. "I told her she was more than a friend when we were at the bottom of the ocean..." he trailed off, none of it was sweet and what happend after was even more unpleasant.

"Well, emotions may be hard to process, but one thing is for sure. She does love you, romantically. She just doesn't realize it. When I first met you two, my first thought was 'Wow, this guy's really carrying a torch.' And it wasn't just me who noticed it. Do you have any idea how many times Skye talked to me about locking you two in a closet till one of you confessed?"

Fitz's eyes widened but it wasn't that surprising. It was something that she would have done back then.

"It wouldn't have changed anything." Fitz mumbled.

"Maybe... But why do you seem not just heartbroken but also annoyed at her?" he asked.

Fitz wasn't surprised that he noticed and frankly he wanted to talk to someone who didn't look at him like he was an alien.

"She... she just left. I needed her after my coma and she just couldn't bear to be around me apparently." he said bitterly. He knew involving Ward in his issues wasn't a good idea but he couldn't talk with anyone else. Before this mess, everyone at SHIELD looked at him like he was broken and avoided him like a plauge except Mack who turned out to be atraitor. Ward was one, too but what he was more or less obvious. "She thinks I am broken, something to be fixed."

"Do you?" Ward asked, confusing Fitz.

"What?"

Do you think that you're broken, that something is wrong with you?" he clarified.

Fitz thought about it. After waking up and realizing he couldn't talk and that his brain didn't work like it used to, he was crushed. Not being able to do the most simple tasks was frustrating. And the way everyone acted around him, like he was ticking time bomb didn't make it better All that bitterness, anger and sadness bottled up inside him and it was let out when he saw Ward in the Vault D and drained the oxygen out of his cell. Hell he even said himself that he was damaged but was he really?

"No, nothing is wrong with me. I am just different and nothing is wrong with that."

"Then you're not broken. Only you can decided wheter you're broken or not, nobody else can. Not Coulson, not May, not Skye and not even Simmons no matter how close you're."

"But she doesn't accept as I am now, she treats who are different like a plague." he mumbled, remembering how she and he were after she had come back and how she treated Skye after her transformation.

"It's not surprsing." Ward said. Seeing Fitz's dumbfounded expression, he elaborated. "Fitz, you and Simmons before joining Coulson's team were always safe within th boundries of a lab from the outside threats. Being out in field means danger, something Simmons never came to accept as it was a new thing to her."

"But-but it was her who-o accepted the offer." he said.

"Yes but it was obvious after our mission in Peru that she never took the possibility of death, danger and change into account. You remember that she called everyone almost dying an irregularity right?" he asked. Fitz noded. Despite everything that had happened he used to consider that mission a good memory. The first time they had felt like a team and bonded. "The thing is those kind of things are the norm in field. Skye's life was in danger when she went undercover, Amedor no matter how much Coulson wanted to ignore could have killed you three, May and Coulson could have died in Hong Kong, Simmons with that virus, you and me on that mission we were told that there were an extraction plan but in reality there wasn't. Hell probably our safest mission was the one at the academy and even that couldn't really be called safe. But despite all this Simmons never accepted what was happening. HYDRA, me... All that was like a slap to her face and now because she didn't try to accept it before she probably feels like she has to treat anything different like an enemy, soemthing to fix, to rid of to feel secure." he expained.

Fitz looked at him, his eyes wide open that Ward's explaination made sense.

"It's almost done, I am about to make the call. You might want to-" Fitz started.

"No." Someone said.

It was Kara. Both Ward and Fitz looked at her in surprise.

"I have something to say to your director, maybe he should think three times before trusting Morse again." she said.

Ward noded slowly. He understood. Their original plan had been risky before, now with another faction of SHIELD resurfaced even more. But with Morse's true colours revealed as a double agent, it would be easy to diminish her in Coulson's eyes. Coulson could forgive her for working for another faction led by Gonzales but selling an agent to HYDRA, he didn't think so.

"Okay." Fitz said and called the two agents who had been on the run for some time.

They picked up and a projection popped up.

"Fitz, you absolute beauty." Hunter said.

Hearing Hunter's voice, Ward and Kara looked at each other. Even better than Coulson.

"Fitz, how did you open the Toolbox?" Coulson asked then took a look at his surrondings. "And where are you?"

"I am at a motel." Fitz answered.

"With us." Ward said and the two ex-agents stepped into the view.

"Ward?" Coulson said incredilously. He couldn't believe Fitz would go to him for help.

Hunter sent glares to then looked at Fitz. "Mate, you okay? Did this son of a bitch do anything to you?"

"I am fine. He didn't hurt me."

"It's been a long time Coulson. I heard that you had been decieved again. You need to be more suspicious." Ward said.

"I can't believe I am saying this but you have a point." Coulson answered then looked at Kara. "It looks like you have Whitehall's ex-right hand woman with you as well." 'This was the wrong thing to say.' Coulson thought when he saw how Kara's face was filled with fury and disgust.

"I DIDN'T CHOOSE HYDRA! I WAS BRAINWASHED!" She shouted. She had had enough. These people hadn't even bothered to look into the situaton and they had the audacity to call her a traitor. "But of course, you wouldn't know it right? Fury never gave damn about his agents. And if you hadn't been his favourite, you would have been expandable. What else could you expect from his protege and heir?" she said with a fake sweetness.

"I am not like Fury." Coulson said. He had been compared to Fury too many times for the last few days and it was getting on his nerves.

"No, you're not. You are worse. Fury was a son of a bitch but at least he didn't try to act like he wasn't. You? You are acting like you're better when you are not even fit to be a director. At least Fury was a capable one." Kara continued.

Coulson exhaled. This wasn't going anywhere. No matter how much he would defend himself, Kara would find a way to diminish him. There was one catch though.

"How did you end up at their hands? The safe house you were in, it wasn't on records. It was one of Fury's." he said.

Kara smiled. 'Finally, he is asking the right questions.' she thought.

"Maybe a certain bird had something to do with it. One that you sent undercover in HYDRA." she replied.

The three SHIELD agents looked at her with eyes wide open and jaws dropped. 'Bobbi gave up her safe house?' Hunter thought.

"Agent Morse gave up that safe house to HYDRA?" Coulson said. He couldn't believe Morse would do that. He could understand working for another faction of SHIELD and opposing his leadership. He hadn't been the best director. But giving a loyal agent to HYDRA on a silver platter?

"Maybe she didn't know I was there but she didn't bother to tell anyone about it, did she?" Kara continued.

"So that's the dirty laundry she didn't want Bakshi to spill." Hunter murmured. It made sense, why Bobbi was nervous when Bakshi threatened her with revealing it. It would have turned even Mack against her.

At the mention of Bakshi's name, Coulson remembered Talbot's call and how Ward and 33 broke out Bakshi. Back then he had though it was for HYDRA but they had wanted to learn how Kara had been captured.

"I am sorry for what happened to you and for not looking into the your situation further." Coulson said.

"I don't want your meaningless apologizes. They give me nothing back." Kara said and noded to Ward. She finally got her closure. Morse would suffer, not physically but no one at SHIELD would trust her again and better her ex would never forgive her.

Kara went to get her bag, Ward on the other hand stayed for a few words. "Fitz will send you the coordinates when we leave. Good luck Coulson at taking SHIELD back." he said and was about to step out of view when Coulson stopped him.

"Ward, I have an offer." Coulson said. "I need a way to find List and Strucker and get them. If you get me inside, I will let you and Kara walk away. Free and clear, no more looking over your shoulders."

Ward scoffed. "If something is too good to be true, it's a lie."

"Not lying. I tried stick with you before. It didn't work so well, so I am offering a carrot."

"I am listening." Ward said. If Coulson was telling the truth, they would have one less problem.

"Get me inside, then I put you through the TAHITI protocol then you're free to go."

Ward shook his head. Did Coulson really think he would take up this offer? "No. Go and handle the job on your own."

"Ward, listen." Coulson said. "You helped Fitz hide from Gonzales and his men. You are helping Kara to undo the brainwashing and help her find out about herself, her old life. These say something. Maybe there's still good left in you. Maybe Garrett and your family didn't destroy all that. TAHITI will erase all the bad and give you a fresh start."

"No, Coulson. I wasn't inclined to make a deal with the man who traded me to my abuser anyway but this is the last straw. I have always let other people shape me and turn me into what they needed me to be for their own gains. First my family, to be more preciese Christian then Garrett and now you? I won't allow you to turn me into someone of your image."

"What do you want then?" Coulson asked, resigned. He needed Ward's help to save Skye and he had to compromise to get it.

"Why don't you tell me what you want?" Ward asked. Coulson would never work with him, even to take HYDRA down.

"Skye, she is danger. List and Strucker may be onto her." Coulson answered, hoping Ward's love for her would make him accept his offfer.

Ward sighed. Despite those bullets, he still had a soft spot for Skye and he certainly didn't want her to fall in her HYDRA's hands but he also knew that Coulson couldn't be trusted to keep his word when it came to him.

"Ward." Fitz said, talking for the first time in a while and snapping his out of his thoughts. "Please." he said with a low voice. It was hard to ignore. Even though he had been trying to save them, he still was the reason they ended up at the bottom of the ocean and Fitz's brain damage. He wished there had been another way every day but there hadn't been. Maybe he could repay his debt to Fitz by helping them save Skye.

Ward sighed. He hoped he wouldn't regret this. "I will help you. I know a guy but after we're done, you will let us go and no TAHITI." he said.

Coulson noded. "Okay, no TAHITI. So long as you don't rejoin HYDRA willingly, I won't pursue you or Kara."

"Good." he said and sent the coordinates to them.

Chapter 3: The Mission

Notes:

"Love isn't just about happy moments and good times, it's also about accepting the mistakes, wiping the tears of regret and showing the other person that despite the rough waters that you believe in them." - Ana McRae

Chapter Text

Waiting in the car, Kara and Ward looked at each other.

"May isn't here, just like Fitz said. Good. If we need to make a run for it, all we neeed to do is to distract Mike." Ward said. He was beginning to regret giving into Fitz's plea. He knew if Coulson wasn't desperate to save Skye and didn't have Gonzales and his men trying to catch him, either he wouldn't be asking for his help or this would all be a well-thought trap.

"Do you think Coulson is going to keep his promise? Grant, the idea of them wiping who you ar-"

"Hey," he held her hand. "No one is gonna wipe anything. Do I trust Coulson to keep his word? No, especially not after he traded me to Christian. But I will never let anyone else shape me according to their own image. I stopped caring for Coulson's opinions on me a long time ago."

She smiled. "Why did you change your mind after Fitz's plea though?" she asked. But she was more curious why Fitz ask- no literally begged Ward to help them. She got that coming to them was his only option or seemed to be but why would he want to spend more time with Ward? Skye or not, could yesterday and what happened today form a real truce between them? Maybe even respark their friendship?

"Even though I did it to save them, it's still because of me they ended up at the bottom of the ocean. I owe him." Ward said. Kara noded. Then she noticed the pot on the front seat. "What's this?"

"Thought we could put it on the window side." Ward answered. Before Fitz came, they had been looking for a house. Of course they had dozens of safe houses but not all of them were really lively places and those who were didn't suit their most important need: a fresh start. Those houses were filled with the memories of Garrett. So they only used them when they truly needed it.

"It's beautiful. I hope we'll get to do that."

"We'll and more." he said and the two kissed each other passionately and Mike had to interrupt.

"Break up, you two."

Ward sighed and they stepped out of the car and opened the trunk.

"This just gets better and better." Coulson said, watching Bakshi looking at them with fear evident in his eyes.

"Don't worry, we are working with Director Coulson." Ward said, pointing Coulson with his head. "You're gonna do whatever he says. Understand?" He made sure that the threat beneath that question was sensed by everyone.

"Of course, I am more than happy to comply." Bakshi responded.

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After Bakshi made contact with List, they boarded the quinjet and took off. Coulson, Fitz and Hunter and Fitz were sitting on the one side of the jet while Kara, Ward and Bakshi were sitting on the other side. The tension was so thick that you could cut it like a paper. Hunter was glaring at him. Fitz was looking at his feet, avoiding to make eye contact with anyone. Coulson looked neutral but on the inside he was very nervous.

"If no one is gonna say it, I will. Are we sure we can trust Stepford Bakshi?" Hunter asked. Honestly, he didn't know who was more dangerous. Ward, the traitor or Kara, the brainwashed agent who probably wanted revenge or Bakshi, ex-right hand man of Whitehall, now brainwashed and under the command of Ward and Kara?

"Trust might be a little strong." Coulson replied.

"Bakshi has been instructed to act as he would have." Ward eased him. "Before." He made some gestures with his hands.

"The brainwashing?" Hunter completed.

"I know it's not assuring and can be considered disgusting but-"

Kara cut Coulson off. She had wanted to yell at Coulson since she heard the word 'TAHITI' but managed to hold herself till now. Hearing the man say what they did to him was disgusting when he planed on doing the same to Grant infurated her badly.

"You seem awfully disturbed about Bakshi when you wanted to brainwash Grant, too." she snapped.

Coulson looked at her incredulously. "I wasn't going to do that." He knew Kara was angry and she had the right. They had abandoned one of their own, left her for HYDRA but that?

"Really? Was your plan not to wipe his memories and give him new ones? If you want, be oblivious to it but that's no different than brainwashing. You know at least, HYDRA isn't afraid to admit what their methods are." She answered, making Ward proud and Coulson disturbed. He never looked at it that way. TAHITI was no magical place but it had never seemed as diabolic as Kara made it out to be.

"Let's calm down." Fitz said, talking for the first time since the call. "TAHITI is no longer on the table. You'll be free to go after this."

"He shouldn't!" Hunter shouted. "I know what Bobbi did to her is unforgivable but what he did to you guys, especially you Fitz isn't any better." He turned to Ward who was hiding his remorse at choosing Garrett over the team so good that Hunter thought he was mocking them with that impassive expression. "He'll betray us the moment Bakshi's in HYDRA."

"I have no reason to betray you to HYDRA." Ward said, standing up. He could understand Coulson and Fitz judging his loyalties but Hunter knew nothing about him, everything he had was based on the views of others.

"Oh and we should trust your word? From what I have gathered the last time anyone trusted you, you almost killed them." Hunter retorted.

Ward stood up and advanced on Hunter. Kara got up to stop him. If they started a fight, it wouldn't end well for anyone.

"Enough Hunter." Coulson said, maintaining peace. "You don't trust him or Bakshi, well neither do I." he said and sent Ward a warning glare which didn't intimidate him one bit. "That's why Bakshi will not be going in alone. He will have a bodyguard." he elaborated.

"That would be me." Mike said from the co*ckpit.

"Dr. List's instructions were straightforward. Bakshi was to come alone." Ward explained calmly but he was annoyed. If Coulson was gonna do things the way he wanted without considering the risks then why the hell did he want his help?

"Luckily, Bakshi is good at talking his way out of trouble." Coulson responded and turned to Bakshi who had been sitting on his seat and said a word. "Aren't you?"

"I have been told it's on of my useful skills." Bakshi confirmed.

"See, no problem." he said and clapped him on the back. Ward flinched at the gesture. Coulson and Hunter didn't notice but Kara and Fitz did. Fitz suddenly was taken back to the moment they had first met and how Ward had been uncomfortable with him and Simmons touching him and how he flinched at the pat on the shoulder he had given to him before the mission in Peru.

Then he remembered how pleased they all had been after a deal had been made with Senator Ward. He knew deep down the real reason of that happiness wasn't the success of stopping the bill or the political support SHIELD was going to recieve but Ward's punishment. If half the things Ward had said about his family were true -everything pointed that- then what they did to him that day was actually as bad as if not worse than what he had done to them.

This wasn't the time for these thoughts though. Fitz set the equipment and typed the commands. "We are online." he announced and everyone gathered around him to view the event.

"It's good to see you alive and well Mr Bakshi." List said and they shook hands. List offered Bakshi a seat and the two sat down opposite to each other.

"Three men, heavily armed and I bet there is more where they come from." Hunter said, wishing they had more people on their side.

"Does it matter? You have a cyborg with rockets in his arms on your side." Ward responded.

"He isn't a cyborg, he is a SHIELD agent." Coulson interfered. "With rockets in his arms." he admitted not long after.

"Our world has become much more complicated after the tragic death of Dr. Whitehall and the following bloodbath concerning the majority of HYDRA's heads." List said and gave the maid who delivered his drink a small thank you before focuisng on Bakshi again. "Tell me Mr. Bakshi, how did you manage to escape unscatched?" List asked.

Chapter 4: Hope

Notes:

"Hope is something that can be very dangerous but without it, life would be horribly dry. Impossible, even." - Anthony Doerr

Chapter Text

"Doctor, there has been another incident." List's assistant informed him.

"Excuse me." List said and stood up to view the findings. "We're close. Put us in the air, then we'll see how loyal you and your enhanced friend really are." he ordered.

"They're taking off. Have any idea to where?" Fitz asked.

"If Strucker's overseas, I'd say that's probably where they're going." Ward said.

"Then we tail them," Coulson responded.

Ward went to co*ckpit and took off. 'This is gonna be fun.' he thought.

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The HYDRA plane landed before he expected. Instead of Eastern Europe, they were at an old street. But from List's talk about the teleporter, it was obvious, Coulson found the way in he had been looking for without getting to Strucker.

"They're tracking the teleporter." Fitz said, happy to find a lead. "The one that took Cal and Raina."

"And Skye."

"Skye was taken by a gifted who can teleport?" he asked from the co*ckpit. He really should have learnt the details before agreeing to the deal. "Okay, enough question marks. Why does HYDRA even want Skye?"

Coulson and Fitz exchanged a look, which Kara saw and interjected their telapathic conversation. "If you want us to help you, you had better come out with it. We can't do that if we don't have all the facts."

"Sorry if I don't trust you with that level of sensitive information." Coulson replied.

Kara shrugged and joined Ward in the co*ckpit. He sent her apologitic glance for dragging her into this. Her face softened when she read the guilt in his eyes and she whispered it was okay.

They landed on the top of a building. After List ordered Bakshi to take Deathlock and some HYDRA soldiers to capture the gifted, Coulson laid out the plan as they geared up.

"Sir, sir Skye. She is here." Fitz said.

"Where?" Coulson asked and viewed the feed.

"Tenth floor."

"The Skye who shot you three times?" Kara asked sarcastically as she knew the answer.

"Four." he corrected. Those bullets still hurt, more then he would want to admit.

"Don't even think about it." Coulson warned him as if he was considering revenge. "You keep HYDRA off us, I will find Skye." he finished and left the quinjet, Hunter tailing behind him.

Ward raised his in hands in exasperation. Was Coulson really that much of an idiot? If he wanted revenge, he would simply say f*ck you to Coulson, leave them out in the dry and Skye at HYDRA's hands. Nevertheless, he and Kara left the quinjet and entered the building, guns ready at their hands.

They had just arrived at the tenth floor when Fitz told them that someone was trying to hack Deathlock's footage.

They proceeded and gunned down a few HYDRA soldiers on their way.

"We need to split up." Coulson yelled after Ward took down one.

"We'll cover you, go and find Skye." Hunter agreed immediately. But Ward had no intention of staying back. Despite what had happened in Puerto Rico, he wanted to make sure Skye was safe and he wouldn't be convinced of that until he saw her with his own eyes.

He went after Coulson. He heard Hunter ask Kara where he was going but didn't pay any attention to that. He just took out the soldier that came in his way. At one point, there seemed to be no more soldiers left on the floor, for the time being at least.

Coulson sweeped the hallways as Ward covered his back. The mission was going worse than he thought. The nostalgia of it was too painfull. It felt like HYDRA never happened, SHIELD never fell and he never betrayed the team. But the dark truth was at the back corner of his mind. He lost the people he came to care for like a family becuse he thought that Garrett had saved him, that he owed the man a debt.

"Skye?" Coulson called out bu no answer. He turned around and sweeped the other rooms. Suddenly a man was thrown to the wall by Deathlock. 'Great, unknown elements.' he thought.

"Who the hell is that guy?" he asked Coulson but he seemed to be as shocked as he was.

Deathlock, kneeled on the floor for a breathe and barely answered. "I don't know. But he has a spark." Was he an enhanced as well? "I think he is protecting Skye."

"Where is she now? Can you scan the floor?" he asked and Ward wasn't surprised one bit at the lack of worry for Mike. He knew what he said on the jet was the cold, plain truth, the truth that Coulson would never accept.

"I can't but I think she went around that corner." he answered. Coulson and Ward went to check it out.

Suddenly a few HYDRA goons who apparently lost their weapons came out and it was time to switch to brutal force. He and Coulson punched the guys till they blacked out. He gave Coulson his gun and suddenly he saw Skye at the end of the hall. His shock must have been written all over his face as Coulson turned to see what was there. He too paused.

"Skye..." he said in relief.

"Coulson..." It was clear she was surprised to see him. As they made their way to each other, the teleporter everyone had been talking about came and took Skye and Cal who joined them at the last minute.

"No, don't go." Coulson yelled but it was futile. Ward kicked one guy on the floor angrily. It was almost done.

Then he saw a HYDRA soldier raise his gun to Coulson's back. He shot the man as Coulson turned around. He seemed to be shocked that he had saved him after... Well after everything, his treatment at the vault, the trade he had made with Christian, the TAHITI 'threat'.

Ward made his way towards Coulson and shot the man two more times before giving him the assessment of the situation. "Deathlock's down. We've got powered people on site, HYDRA is storming the building." he said and Kara who was half carrying Hunter arrived.

"What happened to you?" Coulson asked.

"Just a flesh wound." he tried to brush it away but it wasn't the case apparently.

"A bad one." Kara added, confirming his suspicions.

"We're outmanned, outgunned and our only back up is Fitz." he summed up and turned to Coulson. "Your call boss, what do we do?"

"You go back to the quinjet, take care of Hunter's wound as good as you can, cloak and start flying in circles. I am gonna wait for SHIELD." He ordered.

Ward was about help Kara carry Hunter when Coulson called for him. Kara continued the way and he looked at the man questioningly.

"Why did you-" he started but Ward cut him off.

"I saved you because I am not an idiot Coulson. I know whom everyone would point their fingers at if the director of SHIELD had died in the same room with me." he snarled but it was a lie. Despite everything, he still cared for the team, hell even Coulson though not May. Not to mention after betraying a man who had believed in him, who had cared for and given him a family, he couldn't just not protect him.

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He and Kara laid Hunter on the ground and Fitz brought the medical supplies.

"I'll handle this. Grant you take off." Kara said and he went to the co*ckpit to get them in the air.

"You really lack environmental awarness, how did you become an agent?" Kara asked as she took the bullet out.

"Well, sweetheart, I never went to your super spy college. I was a mercenary. And your dear boyfriend's awarness isn't great either. After all he didn't notice me on the bus at the station."

Ward shook his head. Did he really not put the pieces together? "I did notice you. But I let you stay on the bus alive and unscatched so that you guys could have Bakhsi. I knew after losing me, you lost a valuable intel source. I thought maybe I could make up for that loss." he answered.

"Man, it's nothing to do with awarness. First Bobbi when she first came to literally seduce me and ended up marrying me, then Izzy, later you ex HYDRA and again Bobbi and new addition to the list Mack. Am I too naive?" Hunter mumbled but everyone heard it.

"Hunter, I think despite what she did, Bobbi truly loves you." Fitz said to comfort the man.

"Yeah and for some reason at the end, she always gets what she came for. Bloody blond."

After that one, Ward couldn't help but remember an unpleasant incident between him and Skye after his betrayel had come to light.

"I was on a mission, it wasn't personal."

"It wasn't personal! You didn't just say that!"

"Hunter, let me give a piece of advice. In this job, the mission isn't personal. At least for the agent even if you become close to the people you are sent to spy on. But for them, well that's another matter."

"Speaking from experience?" Hunter asked, but he knew the answer. It was clear he was just trying to annoy him.

"Yeah." Ward answered shortly. But there was carefully hidden sadness and desperation. Hunter was in too much pain to notice but surprisingly Fitz did notice. Kara had already knew how much he regretted turning on his team but she didn't make any comments as she knew doing so might cause Grant to be more vulnerable emotionally. And the last time his old team used his vulnerabilities against him, he was traded to his abuser.

Fitz on the other hand sent him a sad look that mirrored Ward's hidden one. He sat beside him in the co*ckpit but didn't touch anything.

"You weren't supposed to care about us, were you? We should have been nothing more than the mission, each of us so that you could eliminate us if it ever came to that." Fitz said quitely. There was no emotion in that statement. Fitz was probably for the the first time only stating the truth without adding his feelings into the mix.

"Yeah."

"But it didn't happen. You could have killed all us when we were at the providence and taken Skye to Garrett. You didn't. You cared for us. Why?"

"What?" Ward asked, confused.

"Why did you care for us? Why did you let it happen?" he reasked.

Ward sighed. It really wasn't supposed to happen. He should have had near zero contact but it became impossible. "Before I joined, Garrett and I had discussed dozens of strategies, contingency plans but we never thought of certain things.

"Like Skye coming to the plane." Fitz guessed. No one could see that coming.

"Yeah but it wasn't the only thing though. I was supposed to have near zero contact but you all made it impossible. Hell even May." he said, remembering how comforting and gentle she had been at the hotel in Dublin. "Skye started to crack the walls I had built and you and Simmons joined her. She paved the way for you. And it happened before I even had realized it. When HYDRA came out, I hoped I could get you to safety before going with Garrett but I knew sooner or later you would find out and wouldn't stay away. I am sorry for everything I had done to you all." he said quitely.

Fitz wistfully smiled. Just like Ward, he missed the good old days. But they couldn't have them back. Even if Ward apologized to the rest of the team, there was no way they would listen. Well, maybe Coulson would. He seemed to be more open-minded but May wouldn't see past him managing to get under her skin, Simmons would never let him explain as he was still too different for her to stand and Skye would never see past her heartbreak. He couldn't blame her but she was taking it a bit far. It was obvious that Ward genuinely had loved her. And he clearly regretted what had happened. He kindly touched his arm. "I am sorry. For trying to kill you. I can't forgive you yet but I was right." Seeing the confusion on his face, he continued. "You are a good person."

Chapter 5: How Much She Changed

Notes:

"Regret is a form of punishment itself." - Nouman Ali Khan

Chapter Text

He should have listened Kara when she advised running away. But he stayed. And now he was back in the Playground, a place filled with people who wanted him dead. Though the only one to be concerned was May, who still wanted the beat the sh*t out of him.

After the debrief in Coulson's office and Skye's return, they went on with mission. He would say just like the old days but the good old days lacked the tension which filled the plane this time.

"Ward, I can't believe I am saying this but bring us up to speed with Bakshi's intel." Coulson said, everyone having gathered around the holo table.

"Okay boss." he replied and put up the last feed from Deathlock's eye. "Bakshi's using the old HYDRA channels to feed us intel. Although some of it," he said and turned to look at others. Seeing their faces, he repeated. "Although some of... Okay, I think we should first adress the elephant on the plane."

He put his hands on the holo-table. "I know mistakes were made."

"By you." Simmons said.

"And people got hurt."

"By you."

"And I know no matter how many times I tell you why I did what I did, you'll never accept it if you listen."

"No, no, ENOUGH!" Simmons yelled. Tears were shining in her eyes. "There is no excuse for what you have done to us. Not just us. All those agents you killed. You could have told us the truth instead of helping Garrett escape, raid Fridge and God knows what else." Tears were rolling down her face now. Skye held her hand to comfort her and looked at him in disgust.

"And don't start with your family and how they abused you." May said when she saw Ward opening his mouth. "We all had our traumas but none of us turned into physcopaths."

"Well, we all have our ways of coping. For example, I was yours." he said, not bothering to tell he wasn't a psycopath. None of them would hear it, maybe except Fitz but he didn't want to him to singled out in case he would try to defend him.

"WE WERE A TEAM AND A FAMILY AND YOU BETRAYED US." Skye screamed.

"I know, that's what I regret the most. I wish I had chosen differently, chosen to lock Garrett up or kill him when Hand offered me to shoot the real Clairvoyant, come clean to you. But I didn't and I am sorry for that." he said, surprising everyone with the last part.

Simmons got herself back together. "So you regret it. Do you regret sending me and Fitz to the bottom of the ocean?" She shrieked.

Ward bit his lip. He knew that could be asked. "I regret that the med pod sank. Because wheter you believe it or not, staying on the BUS would mean a death sentence for you." he answered calmly, never losing his cool which seemed anger Skye and Simmons more.

"I am still happy that I shot you." Skye said eventually.

"Yeah." Simmons said.

"You should have aimed for the face." May added.

"Alright, I know you all want to spit fire at him but we need him so everyone calm down and be professional." Coulson said and series of 'yes sir' were told. "And Ward, I want to have a private word with you after the mission."

Ward noded.

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Everything had gone well so far. They entered the HYDRA base without problem, Ward, May and Skye took out the soldiers, found Peterson and Lincoln. He even got to learn what happened in Puerto Rico to Skye.

"Don't stand there like a dumbass. Find something we can use to carry him out." Simmons yelled at him as she stood over Peterson.

She was more bossy than he remembered. He went to find something. There was a bed which they could use. He grabbed it and was about take it to Simmons when he heard Bakshi telling him to watch out. He turned around to see Simmons and Bakshi struggling and Bakshi disinterageted.

"What the hell?" he asked.

"I told you I would kill you if I saw you again" She said and took a step back. "Go on, kill me! Get over with it you monster." She screamed. She was shaking as he came towards her, his gun pointed at her. She got on her knees like she was expecting him to kill her in execution style. He put the gun to her head and Simmons closed her eyes in acceptance. Ward put the gun back into the holster. He knew she hated him for the pod, for what happened to Fitz but she believed he would kill her? In execution style at that?

"You've really changed Simmons. I am disappointed." Ward answered and offered a hand. Simmons looked at him like he was crazy and he probably was.

"We should get Peterson and get out. I don't know about you but I certainly don't want to blown up." he responded. Simmons noded and stood up on her own. Ward brought the scretcher and helped Peterson get on it.

The two took him to the quinjet. They arrived parallel to Coulson.

"Where is Bakshi?" Skye asked.

"He isn't coming with us." Ward replied.

"Why? Is it because he outlived his usefulness that you decided to leave him behind?" She sneered.

"Skye, let's go." Simmons whispered.

"Yeah, as much as I would love to see him blow up here along with Bakshi, a deal is a deal." May said, not hiding the displeasure she felt.

They boarded quinjet and went back to the Playground. When they got back and the ramp was lowered, he saw Kara waiting for him with the two SHIELD agents at her side. She ran towards him and hugged him in loving and a desperate embrace.

"You're alive. I was sure they would leave you on that HYDRA base." she whispered to his ear. He put her down and caressed her face.

"I am alright. Coulson wants to talk with me, meaning it's time to make a run for it." he said and glanced at the guards. The hangar was empty except for the soldiers that were assigned to watch them. The two disarmed and took down the soldiers in a matter of seconds and took off and activated the cloaking as soonas they left the base. Kara immediately disabled the tracking devices.

The comms devices though were still operational and as soon as they left the base, Coulson and May made contact.

"Ward, what are you doing?" Coulson asked calmly before May could and rain her threats of torture and death.

"I thought I should get out before you have any chance to put me back in the vault D or erase my memories." Ward said. Saving Coulson's life despite any reasons wouldn't be enough to protect him from those two. Coulson was the only one who knew and the others would just assume he had had an ulterior motive.

"Ward, I promised freedom and no TAHITI. I just wanted to talk." Coulson tried to explain.

Ward let out a humourless chuckle. Even he wasn't sure if Coulson knew about Simmons trying to kill him, he still didn't trust him. There was no way he was going to trust the man who traded him to his abuser.

"Trust is mutual Coulson and I don't trust you just as you don't trust me. But don't worry you'll have your quinjet back. I know you are really low on resources." he said and Kara disabled the comms unit as well.

"To where?"

"No exact destination. We'll just get away as much as we need and leave the quinjet there. Though after that. I was thinking Argentina or Brazil. Which one do you want?"

"Let's go for Argentina." Kara said.

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"We found the quinjet five miles away from here in south." May said. Not so long after the two ex agents disabled the comms, the tracking system was rebooted. May had had taken a team of agents to check it out and it was just the quinjet, no bombs, no traps just the quinjet in one piece just as Ward had promised.

"No sign of them, I assume." Coulson said.

"No, we checked the perimeter and viewed the security feeds of some shops, nothing." she said. But that wasn't surprise. Ward and Palamas had the best training SHIELD and HYDRA could offer. They were two of very few agents who managed to make it to the red list, the list which included deadliest and most dangerous agents of SHIELD, along with her, Romanoff, Barton and Rumlow.

"Phil, Gonzales and the others are waiting for you." She said and left to go to the conference room.

Coulson remained motionless. He never thought he would think over Ward's abrupt like this, like he had failed him. He knew the TAHITI offer wasn't a good one. But he wanted to kill two birds with one stone: find Skye and make sure Ward never becomes a threat again. But TAHITI... He would be doing to Ward what Garrett did to him, build him back the way he wanted. But back then, he didn't see another way out. Ward was extremely dangerous with his skillset, skillset he had thanks to Garrett and SHIELD and not to mention he didn't regret what he had done or at least it had seemed so but his actions were speaking otherwise.

If he died in the same room with Ward, people would blame him, yes. But the way he said it and how his voice cracked at the end showed there was something else. It was like Ward had forced himself to be angry. And his apology to the team, his regret, it all seemed to be pure, real but was he really sure? Ward was one of the best spies in the world, second only to Romanoff but the thing was there was real pain in there. He doubted even Natasha could do it.

Hell he didn't know what to think about him anymore. This was easier a few months ago when Ward was still a simple HYDRA mole in his eyes but he had never been that had he? The fact that he, Skye, FitzSimmons even May were still alive showed that Ward did care for the team. No matter how many times May would ignore it, he knew that the reason May had managed to beat him at Cybertech was her touching the Berserker staff and him being emotionally exhausted due to Garrett losing his mind. He doubted Ward had let May see all he had while they had been sparring on the BUS.

He punched his desk angrily when he didn't even know what he was angry at, or who. Garrett, himself, Ward...

There was something he was missing and that something was probably in Ward's past.

Chapter 6: Actions Have Consequences... Though Not Always For Everyone

Notes:

"I spend some of my time brooding about people who seem addicted to doubled standards- those who take an allegedly principled stand on a Monday, then switch firmly to the opposite on Tuesday if it is to their advantage." - John Leo

Chapter Text

After the Battle Against the Inhumans

"Agent Morse, answer the question. Did you sell out the safe house to HYDRA and hide it from everyone? Coulson asked once again. Everyone in the office except Fitz and Hunter was gaping at her.

"Sir, I had to give them something to earn their trust and rise in ranks." Bobbi said.

"That's how you justify it? You betrayed one of us to HYDRA!" Daisy yelled, disgust and anger written all over her face. "Why didn't you just tell us? We could have rescued her!"

"Had I done that, I would have blown my cover. A SHIELD agent they caught with my intel rescued immediately afterwards, they would have-"

"What about after the mission? After you blew your cover to save me? You were no longer in HYDRA and you and I had already had price on our heads. How would you be in more danger than usual?" Simmons asked. She thought she had seen the worst of Bobbi when the real SHIELD was revealed and she turned out to be double agent but apparently the Mockingbird had a big dirty laundry.

Bobbi, in an attempt to take away the spotlight away from herself, tried to change the topic. "And you're all taking Ward's word for this. He is-"

"Don't bring up him! Ward committed many misdeeds but what you did has nothing to do with them." Fitz yelled, to protect his friend (which he counted himself as after the last missions).

"Fitz and Simmons are right. Don't try to change the topic. You could have at least told Gonzales." Skye said, no matter how much she disliked the late man for sending men after her to hunt her down, she didn't think even he would abondon an agent.

Fitz scoffed. "It wouldn't have made a damn difference. He and the others were sitting comfortably in the middle of an ocean, watching us struggle against HYDRA, literally praying the we fail, when they had all the manpower and resources we needed." He retorted, causing Mack to look away in shame. It took some time but the mechanic understood that Coulson was a better director than Gonzales even after he head been brought back to life by an alien drug and torturous experiments.

Bobbi, desperate to defend her actions, spoke up again. "Look it was either a safe house I wasn't sure wheter if it was occupied or not or a base I knew was being used. It was a hard call but one that I had o make and Kara signed up for this, agreed to give her life for the cause."

"Are you seriously trying to flip this on her?" May asked, who stayed silent till now. She had always felt personally violated by her due to that mask incident. Finding out she didn't have any control over her actions seemed to have changed her demanour. "Just because she agreed to give her life for SHIELD doesn't mean she should have been abondoned. Do you even know how many times we fought her, knocked her out. We wouldn't have left her on the floor had we known."

"Bringing her back to the base would have been to dangerous. She was unstable do to her programming. She could have put everyone in danger. The needs of many outweigh the needs of few."

"Are you sleeping better at night telling yourself that?" Mack asked. He wanted to stay out of this mess, didn't wany to be involved in something that revealed Bobbi had done something this under the belt but he couldn't stay silent after her mentioning of the greater good. "This isn't what the Real SHIELD was founded on. We decided that the lives of our own weren't worthless and you just..." Mack trailed off, not wanting to continue as for the first time he didn't trust himself to hold his tongue. The disappointment though was apparent on his face.

"Enough." Coulson said, ending the on going bickery. "Agent Morse, even though I understand your reasons for giving up that safe house, what you did or to be more accurate, didn't do afterwards is inexcusable. I hereby ban you from field."

"What?! Sir-"

"My agents need to be able to trust each other on field, to have each other's back, to be the back up or the extraction. They won't trust you to do any of these. You can assist Fitz and Simmons in the lab or do desk work but you won't be going on missions till I say otherwise.

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Seven Months Later

It had been three weeks since they rescued Jemma from the alien rock and only a few days since she kissed him only to tell him that she loved Wills. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but there was a part of that wanted to just stop, stop helping Simmons find a way to open the portal because he knew the kiss she gave him wasn't because she loved him but to get his help.

He hit the table with frustration and left the base. Why did the bloody cosmos always put something in their way? Before being swallowed by that rock, he sould swear thet she was starting to see him under a similar light but now it was all gone.

He went to the nearest bar to have some alcohol. It was the first time in a year, he had drunk beer. He went on and on and on. At some point he couldn't make sense of anything heard or saw. But someone was calling his name, he was sure. Was it Daisy? No it was a man's voice. Was it Mack? No.

"Fitz, how much did you drink, Fitz?" Man asked but he couldn't asnwer. He didn't have the energy and even if he did, he had no idea how amy glasses he finished.

"He must have finished at least three bottles." Someone else said. A woman?

"The guy is obviously new to the beer and alcohol world. He didn't know the limit." The bartender said.

"How much?" The man asked.

"Normally 168 dollars but the boy seems to be heartbroken. He was delirious and kept mentioning a name. It was something like Jenny, Jemma. And I feel generous today so half of this free."

The man paid the bill and the two took Fitz to the car.

"You think he has been unable to save her?" she asked.

"I don't know. We'll ask when he wakes up." he answered.

Fitz tried that, tried to wake up but he couldn't. Despite being drunk, he was well aware that being delirious in a stranger's car was a sign for trouble. Though he couldn't help but shake the feeling the man was harmless, at least to him.

The car came to halt three hours later in the middle of the woods and the two people carried Fitz to the Bungalow nearby. They laid him on a bed and put a blanket over him. Fitz was out by now.

"You think it was a good idea? They'll think we kidnapped him."

"I'll make sure he is returned to the base before that."

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When Fitz woke up, he had a hell of a headache. He looked around and noticed he was in nicely built, even elegant bungalow. He tried to remeber the hear the voices he had heard the night before but it was futile. He hardly remembered anything. He sweeped the rooms and when he got to the kitchen, he saw the breakfast had been made ready but no one had eaten anything yet as if they were waiting for him.

He got outside and saw the two people he never thought he would see again after coming to them for intel on the rock a few weeks before.

FLASHBACK

"Fitz? What are you doing here?" Ward asked and let him and Coulson in though he ignored the latter.

"I need your help." He answered and took out his tablet from his backpack.

"Who is it?" Kara asked from her room before entering the living room and her bag fell from her hand at the sight of their guests. "Seriously? I thought we were free." She mumbled but knew deep down it was too good to be true.

"You're but we need some help." Coulson said to ease her mind but it had the opposite effect.

"Oh, really? You needed help the last time around as well. Let me make one thing clear. We're not doing any missions for you." She said with conviction. She wasn't gonna work for them unless she really had to and she wouldn't let Grant risk his life for a bunch of people who only wanted to cause him more misery.

"It's nothing like that." Coulson assured her.

Kara raised an eyebrow and sighed. She picked her bag up. "I'll wait for you at the car." She said.

Ward noded and when she closed the door angrily, Ward turned to them. "What is it?"

Fitz showed him the footage of Simmons being devoured by the rock. Ward watched, his jaw dropped. "HYDRA wanted this thing. I was hoping that you would know something but judjing from your expression, I don't think you do." Fitz said with disappointment.

"Well, hate to disappoint but I have almost nothing." He said before elaborating. "But you say HYDRA wanted this rock."

"That's what is written in Fury's toolbox and it has something to do with inhumans. Gordon, the teleporter and Raina infiltrated our ship for this."

"Well, on the inhuman part I am even more clueless but I have heard from one of my contacts that there is a new figurehead." He said.

"A figurehead? What is the difference between a head and that?" Coulson asked."Figureheads are like Pierce, think of them like the leader of all the heads. After Pierce's death, a new one didn't surface, one of the reasons it wasn't too hard for you to cut off the heads or to have them slaughter each other." He explained.

"Do you know who the figurehead is?" Coulson asked.

"What does this have anything to do with Simmons and this rock?" Fitz asked at the same time.

"Figureheads know the every active branch of HYDRA. If HYDRA wanted this rock then at least one of the leaders must be interrested in it. If you can figure out who it is then you'll have some legit intel."

"We might even be able to eradicate HYDRA for good." Coulson mumbled. "Do you know who the figurehead is?" he repeated.

"No but look into the politicians, people whose influence are big enough to shake the country. Especially the ones who served on the world council and whose records are too clean.

"Too clean?"

"HYDRA doesn't leave evidence behind."

END OF THE FLASHBACK

They were too far away from him to hear their conversation but it seemed whatever they were discussing was making Kara uncomfortable and sad. He slowly walked towards them.

"So you spent five years here all by yourself, huh?" Kara asked.

"Not all by myself." he said, reminding her of Buddy but considering the poor animal's fate, that made things worse.

"Grant, you were devoid of any human contact except Garrett. Buddy might have made it easier to bear but that shouldn't have happened to you." she said gently and took his hand.

"Kara, I know you might see this as horrendous but the years I spent here were more peaceful compared to the rest of my life. These woods were more of a home than the house I had lived in for years. Living here with you is like a dream." he said and kissed her.

That was then they noticed Fitz. They broke up and looked at the boy who still seemed to be delirious.

"Fitz, how are you feeling?" Ward asked.

"Like a truck fell over me." he answered bitterly.

Kara chuckled. "That's normal, considering you finished three bottles of Bloody Mary and two bottles of Lager."

"I drank that much? Man, I didn't even notice." he mumbled.

"The bartender said you were saying something about Simmons and you continued to do so on our way here and whole night." Ward said and was amused to see Fitz blush like a tomato.

"Yeah." he mumbled, his mood went more sour than before.

"Come, let's have breakfast. I don't know what happened between the two of you but there is nothing his pancakes can't solve." Kara said.

Fitz smiled. He remembered how delicious they were and his and others' shock at Ward being so good at cooking not just pancakes but everything else, though pancakes were the best.

The three entered the bungalow. Now that had had some fresh air, the furniture and the pictures seeemed more vivid to Fitz. The furniture was white and yellow and more lively than he expected. There weren't many pictures around though. The most interesting one included Ward and a woman and a little girl he didn't recognize.

Ward, seeing that Fitz was looking at the picture, answered the silent question. "My sister and my niece."

Fitz didn't make a comment but he was glad to see that recoinciling with the rest of his family made him happy.

He sat on the chair and started eating. There wasn't any tention on the table. He and the ex agents were chatting as if they hadn't once been on the opposite sides of a war. It was like HYDRA never became a part of their lives and Fitz realized how much he missed his brotherhood like friendship with Ward.

Back on the BUS, even though they were divided in groups, he had to admit after Simmons, Ward was the one he bonded the best, even better than Daisy. He assumed that their mission to disable the overkill device created a certain understanding and link between them. After the mission, Ward looked at him with more confidence and pride, the look he had always wished to get from his father or a brother if he had one. The look which pushed him to consider the man as the brother he had always longed to have.

"So what happened with Simmons?" Ward asked, after Fitz relaxed.

The smile on his face disappeared when Simmons's name was mentioned. He slowly recounted the events that happened after they had asked him about the monolith. The discovery of it being a portal, how Daisy managed to open it long enough for him to sace Simmons, their first date, Will, the kiss and how later Simmons told him that she loved Will.

"Wait a second, first she kissed you and then she told you she loved someone else?" Kara asked to clarify.

"Yeah."

"Wow, I never thought Simmons would become this manupilative even after a decade in the organization." Ward said, stunned to hear Simmons was using Fitz like that and the thing was, she didn't even have to. Fitz would do anything for her, even save the man she loved. She was probably trying to make herself feel better after breaking Fitz's heart and crushing his dreams for a second time.

"Why did this have to happen?" Fitz mumbled but they heard it. Ward couldn't help but feel guilty. Just a few months ago, he gave him false hopes about Simmons, saying she loved him but apparently she was more inclined to show love to any other man that came her way, instead of the one who was head over ears in love with her.

"Fitz," he started as gently as possible. "Sometimes, the first person we fall for isn't the right one for us. I fell for Sk-Daisy and it didn't work out but then I found the real person." he said and held Kara's hand. "And I am happy now. Someone else will love you as much as you love them."

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After the breakfast, Fitz decided to stay a bit more. It had been years since he experienced what he used to call normal. Ward and Kara's bungalow in the Wyoming was the only place in the world that could provide that.

They all sat down and continued to talk but Ward was aware of the time and that Fitz needed to return soon or they would be suspicious.

"Fitz, I think you need to go back to the base. They'll suspect something is up."

"I'll calm them and tell them I am meeting with an old friend, which is not really a lie. They won't call me back unless they really need me." he said.

"Fitz, I appreciate that you consider me a friend again but let's be honest: they will figure it out. Simmons knew you weren't very social at the academy and didn't have many friends at the academy, you spent the last few years with her, Coulson, May, Sk-Daisy. There is no way they'll believe you have a friend they don't know about. They'll make the connections and I don't think they'll be glad to learn you were with the traitor."

The traitor, not a traitor...

But Ward wasn't the only one who betrayed them.

Daisy did too, just a few months ago and she...

He stood up in anger and after somen pacing he punched the wall, surprising them.

"Fitz, I-"

"It's f*cking unfair!" he yelled.

"Fitz, what is unfair?" Ward asked patiently and calmly, the patience and calm demanour Coulson should have had after Cybertech.

"You being treated like this, like you're the only traitor but you're not. Recently we have learnt that Mack and Bobbi were moles planted by Gonzales, Daisy have betrayed us again." he snarled. It was so surreal, seeing him like that.

But the last thing he said attracted Kara's attention. "What do you mean again?" She knew about the first one, the one with Miles Lydon. Ward had told her everything, from his family to Garrett to the team, skipping no detail.

"A few months ago, a few days after our mission with you, we tried to negotiate and make peace with inhumans but it went south. Jiaying, Daisy's mother, killed Gonzales and made it look like we attacked the Afterlife. She started a war, back there Daisy chose to fight against us, she fought May, used her powers on her. She turned her back on us for a second time. She did see through Jiaying eventually but does that change the fact she betrayed us, she hurt us? No it doesn't. And when all was over, she was welcomed back with open arms as if nothing happened. She faced no consequences for her actions." he said, more like screamed though.

Ward looked unsurprised but his face still held sadness while Kara was fuming. She remembered the treatment everyone had given her when she was at their base briefly, they all despised her because of her relationship with Grant, as if they were any better, as if they didn't betray her to HYDRA and left her at their mercy for a year.

"Fitz, I can't say I am surprised." Ward said calmly.

"At what? The fact that she betrayed them again or the fact that she wasn't treated like the traitor she was?" Kara asked. Grant had such an enormous patience for Daisy and FitzSimmons that it infurated her sometimes.

"Both. Daisy had looked for her parents all her life. I would be surprised if she chose SHIELD over them. And Coulson would never treat her like he treated me. He sees her as a daughter. He would go to the hell for her."

"Yeah he demonstrated that before and unfortunately not everyone had the luck of being regarded by the director under such light." She said bitterly. She knew had it been Daisy instead of her, Coulson would have literally looked for something that would make her innocent before discovering the brainwashing. And he would take on HYDRA all by himself to save her if necessary. He wouldn't abondon Daisy like he abondoned her.

Like he abondoned Grant.

But they were expandable. They always had been, both to SHIELD and HYDRA.

Chapter 7: Fugitive

Notes:

"Understanding is simple, knowing is complicated." - Robert Fripp

Chapter Text

Ward certainly wasn't expecting to see her like that: Black hair, black nails, grief and guilt in her eyes. But there she was. He watched her from a far and went to her side after killing the last Watchdog who was about to shoot her in the back. She looked at him in shock. He offered an hand but she got up on her own.

"It's been a long time." he said, surprised to see her as vigilante.

"Yeah." she whispered, avoiding eye contact. Looking at Ward reminded her of the things she had worked so hard to bury. Her love for him, the pain over his betrayel, the guilt mixed with satisfaction when she shot him and the realization of how similar they were.

He surveyed her face and clothes. He could see she was feeling awful but it had nothing to do with her current life style, she was exhausted emotionally. It looked like she had been fighting without a regard to her health to bury her feelings. Just like May had after Bahrain.

"If you want, I can lend a hand." he offered, a part of him hoping she would accept and the other hoping that she wouldn't and just f*ck off. His feelings and thoughts concerning Daisy were confusing and not clear.

Daisy thought about it. She remembered the times Ward had been in love or obsessed (she wasn't sure which one was) with her and how he was willing to do anthing for her. And even after she had shot four times in the back, he still helped Coulson find her. Sure, there had been other incentives but his face when he saw her at her father's old working place showed he still cared for her even though not loved her. And she could quake him and get out at the worst case scenario.

"Thank you." she said softly. Ward took her to the car and drove half a mile to south. When they got there, Daisy was shocked to see Ward living in nature.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Wyoming Woods. Used to be a real forest but as time went on, things changed." he said and they entered the bungalow. Daisy was even more shocked to see a picture containing Polly and Robin with Ward.

"How-how do you-"

"Polly's real name is Anna and she is my sister." Ward answered. Daisy sat down to digest it. She had been close to a part of Grant Ward and didn't even realize it.

"You can sleep here on the coach. Kara isn't here but I have no intention of sleeping in the same room with you."

With her? Did that mean he and Kara were still romantically involved? Was what she had seen in them two years ago real?

"I'll get you a blanket." Ward stated but Daisy didn't pay any attention. She was so tired that she fall asleep immediately.

THE NEXT MORNING

"I have heard that SHIELD is going public." Ward said, after he washed the dishes and leaned on the kitchen wall.

Daisy looked at him, surprised to hear that the president decided to legitimize SHIELD again. She heard from Coulson how reluctant he had been when they talked with him a year ago.

"I advise you not to expect any more help from anyone affiliated with SHIELD anymore. They will no longer be vigilantes but government bound agents."

"They would never turn me in." Daisy said, despite the fact they were very pissed at her (Fitz's reaction yesterday was the proof), they would never throw her to the wolves.

"Coulson might not have another choice if he wants to keep SHIELD legit and himself the director. You are forgetting that SHIELD's fall was an epic one. An organization who was supposed to be protecting the world revealed that they had been harbouring HYDRA all along and the Insight hellicariers which would supposedly decrease the alien incidents the world had been facing was about to kill 20 million people and at the end they crashed down on the capitol. So Coulson will eiher bow down to the every whim of the government or be replaced."

"Coulson is not a puppet and don't forget you were HYDRA as well." Daisy fired back. SHIELD had had good intentions, it was HYDRA that had tried to misuse the hellicariers.

"I was but I didn't know about Project Insight. It wasn't related to keeping Garrett alive and thus on the list of no need to know. And it looks like despite being a vigilante and officially their enemy you can't be objective. You can't see that SHIELD would be doing the same thing with different people when no one made them the judge, the jury and the executioner. Do you know that neither Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow and Clint Barton, the Hawkeye would have been able to join SHIELD, had the Insight hellicarriers existed back then. They would have been just eliminated, Daisy."

'Daisy?' Why was it this easy for him? Refer to her with new name? Even during the brief time they were working together, he never called her Skye even before she said her name was Daisy. How could he be so indifferent to that? She wondered would it have that easy had he never betrayed them? Would have had harder time getting used to it? Even longer than Coulson?

"Why are calling me that? Why are refering me as Daisy?" she asked tiredly.

"Because that's your name." he answered but he didn't really understand the question.

"No, I mean. Why is it so easy for you? How can you be this..?"

"Adaptable?"He finished and she noded. She wished she could have been like that. Maybe in that case she wouldn't have shattered like a glass every time her world had changed so drastically that it was no longer her world.

SHIELD's fall and Ward's betrayel

Becoming an inhuman and losing Trip

Her mum's betrayel

Losing her parents

Hurting her friends when she was under HIVE's sway

Losing Lincoln

Hell who knew what the future had in stock for her?

"It's a habit. One that has been ingraved in me since I was six. But I wouldn't say it was a good thing."

"Why? It keeps from losing yourself." She whispered but Ward still heard. She didn't know, she had no idea how many breaking points he had despite being so adaptable. She thought the only ones were his suicide attempts. But no, he had more than that but they were quite. He wanted to kill himself again when she told him to run faster, when he learnt he would be transfered to Christian's custody. Hell there was part of him that wanted to let Fitz kill him that day. The only things that stopped him from wishing that were her safety and his desire to keep Fitz a good person. He had already cost him one of the most precious things he had, he couldn't bare to cost him his humanity as well. Hell there were others, the ones that had taken place before he joined SHIELD, before Garrett.

"It doesn't. Everyone falls apart and doing it loudly is better than doing it quitely." he said. Maybe if he had cooperated with Coulson, hadn't insisted on seeing Skye, he would have listened to him and he would have been given the help he needed.

"Why does it matter to you? Why do you care that I refer to you as Daisy?" he asked, wanting to chnage the topic.

"Beacuse..." Because it would mean everyone who knew her pesonally saw her as Daisy Johnson, a loyal SHIELD agent and she was so tired of that. She didn't regret joining SHIELD but she missed the times before that fatefull day in LA. Back when she was just Skye, a Rising Tide hacker bent on revealing all the dirty secrets of government and finding her parents. She wanted to be her again desperately, she wanted her innocence, lively and sarcastic personality back. She wanted the times when the grief and loss didn't fill her heart. The time before the BUS or better the times on the BUS. When she was just Skye, Coulson the leader of their team and not carrying he burden of rebuilding and leading an entire organization, Fitz and Simmons wih their cheery, bubly and optimistic personalities, May, always serious but also with a heart that had their best interests, Ward with his stoic face and robotic personality but just like May with a heart that cared for each of them... What would have happened to them had the things happened differently?

Ward smirked but it wasn't co*cky, it was sad and his eyes filled with sorrow just like hers. But more importantly they were understanding.

Someday, you'll will understand.

And she did.

"I understand you." she said instead of answering. "I understand why you chose Garrett over us. Back then I thought it was the proof that you didn't feel anything for us but I did the same thing you did. I chose my mother, someone I had known only for days over people that were my family. I chose wrong, I fought against them but I still cared for them." she said.

Ward didn't say anything, just noded. He probably knew what she had done anyway. Fitz had been visiting him for some time and he more than likely told him. Daisy sighed. Had it not been for Fitz's anger, rightous anger, she might have never stopped to look at the mirror and realize how similar she and Ward really were, how the acts they committed were similar.

FLASHBACK

"Fitz, is everything alright?" Daisy asked.

Fitz lifted his head from his research on the monolith. Even though he no longer wanted to play the Knight in a shinig armor or be manupilated into helping Simmons, Will Daniels was an innocent man, whose only crime was to be decieved by HYDRA into going to that planet. He needed help and he wasn't gonna let his feelings for Jemma best him in this.

"Why wouldn't it be?" He asked in a completely neutral tone.

"You've been working non-stop, like you did when Simmons was still on that planet. I am worried about you." She said, seeing but not understanding the cold shoulder he had been giving to her for days. "Fitz, did I do something to hurt you?"

Fitz turned to her with an incredulous expression on his face. "Yeah, you did but it wasn't just me you hurt. You hurt Coulson, May and every one of your friends. Not physically but emotionally. YOU BETRAYED US!" He screamed at the last sentence, so loudly that Daisy took a step back. She knew it was too good to be true when no one called her out for actions in Afterlife when the battle on the Illiad was over.

She cleared her throat and started calmly. "Fitz, I know and I am sorry but she was my mother and I was decieved t-"

"YEAH, SHE WAS YOUR MOTHER, A PERSON YOU HAD LOOKED FOR YEARS BUT SHE WAS ALSO A WOMAN WHOM YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT, THE WOMAN WHOM YOU SPENT ONLY A FEW DAYS WITH AND IT WAS ENOUGH FOR YOU TO CHOOSE HER OVER US. WE WERE NOT JUST A TEAM BUT ALSO A FAMILY AND YOU BETRAYED US ONCE AGAIN."

Daisy looked away in shame. The words were the same words she had said to Ward just a few days before the incident at Afterlife. 'We were a team and a family and you betrayed us!' She remembered how much she was disgusted by him. She should have been disgusted with herself the same amount. Despite the fact she eventually saw through Jiaying, she still betrayed the team. And the worst part was if she hadn't seen Jiaying kill Raina that day, she would have said yes, she would have told her that she was gonna fight along side the inhumans. What if she had done that? She could have fought May again, her real mom, Coulson, the man who gave her a family, a solid ground to stand on, FitzSimmons, her younger bickering siblings...

"THE TROUBLE WE'RE FACING WITH THE INHUMANS IS ON YOU! HAD YOU JUST CHOSEN US THAT DAY, MAYBE THAT FIGHT WOULD NEVER HAVE LEFT THE AFTERLIFE, IT COULD HAVE BEEN ENDED BEFORE ANY REAL DAMAGE HAD BEEN DONE AND NOW YOU ARE TRYING TO BENEFIT FROM THE MESS YOU MADE!"

Daisy flinched, understanding the reference to her inhuman team and how she had been pressuring Andrew into finally approving one of the inhumans they had found, without a regard to their feelings, thoughts and mental health. Maybe they didn't want to be part of the team at all. She remembered what she had said to Joey that day. Was it the truth ot was she trying to manupilate into joining the team by saying there was no way he could go back to his old life? The alliance with the ATCU was going well and maybe Lincoln's name could be cleared and along with Joey, he could live a normal life again. The lives they wanted.

"YOU KNOW THE WORST PART OF ALL THIS IS THE FACT THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS ALWAYS GETS TO EITHER WALK AWAY OR BE GIVEN A 'SECOND' CHANCE WHILE ANOTHER IS TREATED LIKE AN ANIMAL AND NOT EVEN GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY TO ATONE! WARD MIGHT HAVE DONE PERSONAL DAMAGE BUT AT LEAST HE LEARNT HIS LESSON THE FIRST TIME AROUND!"

END OF THE FLASHBACK

"He is right." She said with a hoarse voice. Ward didn't comment but understood what she was talking about. "I betrayed them." She admitted it finally out loud and now she could see it more clearly, not just from Fitz's but Ward's perspective as well. Ward caused more damage but they did the same thing in principal, they betrayed SHIELD, the people who really cared for them, their real family for parental figures who couldn't love them. Garrett was too much of a narcisist to care for anyone but himself and Jiaying was filled with too much anger and hatred to have a place left for love in her heart. They didn't see that. But the real difference was the consequences. Ward was beaten up by May, had his voice taken away for weeks, had been imprisoned in a cell that had no contact with the outside world, the cell she spent only an hour in (courtesy of Coulson) and almost went mad even in that little amount of time. Later he had been traded to his abuser to be executed and shot by her in the back four times. But she? There was nothing. She was welcomed back with kisses and hugs. Even May, who was known for her cold and unforgiving nature only told her that her head still had hurt and nothing more. Hell, Coulson even offered to build a team for her, back then she thought it was a comforting gift after her father's memory had been wiped but now it seemed like he was giving her a reward for her betrayel, for a mess they hadn't known they would have to deal with because of her.

"You and I, Skye, we are not that different."

She remembered Ward saying that at Cybertech. And he was right. They weren't that different. They were just the two sides of the same coin, just like SHIELD and HYDRA. It was an unnerving thought and maybe that was why she had avoided thinking about it for a long time. Now, she didn't just understand, she knew.

***Some might say that Fitz accusing Daisy and forgiving Ward are unlike him but that's not exactly the case. Fitz was the only person on the team who believed in him even after his deception had come to light. Fitz, before an engineer, a SHIELD agent, is a friend. He going to Ward for help was a gamble but the it worked in his, the team's favor on the long run. He learnt why Ward ejected the pod. I know Ward said that he was trying to save them before but the circ*mstances have changed. In the third episode of the show, Fitz was shocked to see Ward in the Vault D and was having a panic attack and not to mention Ward wasn't excatly using the right words. Fitz's stuttering was worse back then. Simmons was also gone because of his condition which was caused by Ward. Now Simmons is back, he has improved and now that Mack and Bobbi's betrayel has come to light, Fitz no longer sees the world as black and white. Mack and Bobbi, despite being traitors, had good intentions at heart. Fitz now sees the gray area in life. Not to mention if he thinks about what Ward said, he'll see that it makes sense. Ward clearly hesitated when he saw them which gave them the time to take shelter in the med pod. He could have tried to override the lock, he could have called Deathlock to do that. He didn't. And Ward had the opportunity to kill them all dozens of times but he didn't. He chose to keep them alive, even May. He could have killed her at the Providence. She was the biggest threat and letting her go despite the chance of she coming back was huge gamble, one that he wouldn't have played had he wanted them all dead.

***His argument with Daisy was actually due to exhaustion and exasperation. Fitz had worked to get Simmons back for months. Before she was taken away, they were gonna have a date and with her gone, it went up in smoke. Now she is back and he learns the love of his life is in love with someone else. Fitz, however is a good person and he will not leave someone to rot on that planet, no matter what his personal feelings are but Simmons wanted a guarantee and she kissed him only to say she loved Will. He is aware that he is being manupilated but he still helps. Daisy's betrayel and Ward's betrayel's are very similar, like I explained. The difference was everyone's reaction. Throughout the show, Fitz was the only who could be objective and he wasn't a hypocrite. He is probably the only who will put his pride aside and see that. He cares for both Ward and Daisy. Both of them are his friends and he can't stand the treatment they are showing to Ward when Daisy does the same thing in principal and yet doesn't face any consequences.

Chapter 8: Old and Buried Feelings, Old and Broken Promises

Notes:

"Hearts get infiltrated. Promises get broken. Rules get shattered. Love gets ugly." - Colleen Hoover

Chapter Text

"Hearts get infiltrated. Promises get broken. Rules get shattered. Love gets ugly." - Colleen Hoover

Daisy knew she had to leave in a day at least. The Watchdogs weren't really taking breaks. And she would be able to get rid of the odd feeling in her stomach. It had been a long time since she and Ward had a civil conversation. The closest happened when he agreed to play with Malick. The two had a few seconds to say something before he left for the mission. She hadn't known why he had said yes easily, without persuasion but she knew now. Robin was an inhuman and he didn't want his niece in danger. A few years ago, like right after Ward's deception had come to light, she would have sworn that Ward only thought about himself but he disproved that quite many times. He wasn't in love with her anymore but he was there for her, as a friend she assumed. Ward cared very deeply about the people and was willing to do anything for them.

Garrett

Her

Fitz

Anna and Robin

"What is occupying you?" Ward asked, snapping her out of her thoughts. He offered a plate with pancakes. It seemed like his cooking abilities were as good as ever.

"Why did Garrett keep you in the dark about my shooting?" She asked, hoping for an answer to the question she had had on her mind for years. She believed that he didn't know about that but she also couldn't see a reason for Garrett to keep Ward out of the loop.

Ward took a sip from his drink and sat down in front of her on the table when she was on the sofa. It was like the inverse of their conversation after they had acquired the plasma beam particle in Peru.

"Do you remember the day Coulson was taken by the Centipede?" he asked.

Daisy noded. It was one of the worst days of her life. She thought Mike was dead and Ace was an orphan, she had no idea what they would do to Coulson, fear for his life, his sanity. It had been the most stressful day of her life before HYDRA came out of the shadows.

"That day I didn't know Coulson would be kidnapped, but I knew HYDRA was waiting for a moment like this, to eliminate the biggest threats on the team."

"May?" She said. It made sense, May being the cavalry and on the red list.

"And you." Ward said. Daisy looked surprised. If it was now, she could understand. She was now a trained SHIELD agent, trained by both SHIELD's and HYDRA's best, add her inhuman powers into the mix, having her killed would be logical. But back then? When she was nothing more than electronically tagged consultant? What kind of a threat could she have posed?

"You were an unknown variable Daisy and your hacking skills proved to be legendary when you hacked SHIELD even with a tracking bracelet at the HUB, some people in HYDRA got worried that you would look through the files and see things you shouldn't see. They were gonna have both killed."

"What stopped them?" She really wondered what Ward could have done or said to change their minds.

"I was the sleeper on the team and despite my devotion to Garrett and non existent loyalties to HYDRA, they trusted my judgement. They didn't believe I was compromised. I told them having any of you killed would put me in the risk of being discovered."

"But weren't they suspicious?"

"No, they didn't think I would be compromised. They weren't that disappointed, I didn't know back then but I guess it was because you two would probably be on the Insight list. However, me sparing May got Garrett's attention. He saw through my logic and-"

"And he decided to keep you in the dark because he was afraid that you would interfere." She finished. "Ward, thank you." she said and he looked at her in not confusion but also shock, which wasn't surprising considering he was probably used to not hearing anything nice from her. "You didn't have to do that but you kept both me and May alive. This is something the other moles wouldn't have done."

Ward didn't say anything. He didn't think 'you're welcome' was appropriate, so he just stayed silent and noded.

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That night was supposed to be without event but Kara came back from her mother's early and she was both surprised and livid to see her. And that was why she and Ward were now in their bedroom, 'discussing' Daisy's presence.

"What is she doing here?" Kara asked, hissing.

"I found her on the street, fighting the watchdogs. She needed some help and I offered her some." Ward said simply as if it was that easy.

Kara shook her head in disblief.

"Grant, this is the woman that shot you in the back four times when you were trying to get her to safety and wished she had shot you in the face. So, your explanation isn't really enough. Is this Coulson's doing? Does he want you to babysit her till he finds a way to get her back to his precious SHIELD?"

"No, I helped her because I wanted to, because even though I am not in love with her, I still care for her and-"

"And because you want to atone for what you did." Kara finished. Grant's expression proved her that she wasn't wrong. She sighed and sat on the bed. She knew Grant had regretted what he had done to his old team for Garrett, how much he wanted to make up for that, not to gain forgiveness (he always thought he was undeserving of it no matter what) but maybe balance the good and bad deeds he had commited while keeping his loved ones safe. But he had nos el-preservation and that was what worried her. This and his affection for his old team.

He infiltrated HYDRA, went to that alien planet with Fitz and he provided them money from his family's assets. And yet, his old team members except Coulson and Fitz were nowhere near giving him a second chance.

May was still too bitter about being seduced. Simmons was still angry about the pod (which she kind of understood) and probably she was ashamed of what she had tried to do at the Arctic HYDRA base and vilified Grant even more to have better reasons, justifications for trying to murder him in cold blood. And Daisy, despite having done the same thing, had insisted on staying on her so called morally high ground.

But she had to admit that they had some sort of mutual understanding now as Daisy wasn't trying to kill him or spitting fire at him. "Okay, she stays but if Coulson or anyone else from SHIELD asks us to babysit her then she will be gone."

"Alright." Ward said. Having any contact with SHIELD was the worst idea now anyway. With them going back to being a legitimate government organization and he and Kara being fugitives, both sides would have more trouble at their hands than it was worth.

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After Kara had come around, she was civil to Daisy unless she tried to vilify either of them, which fortunately didn't happen as Ward knew their argument would last hours and probably end after a fist fight.

Daisy on the other hand was relaxing for the first time in years. After the HYDRA reveal and Ward's capture, she always had to stay alert because of the dangerous missions she started to go on. Later she became an inhuman and she would always have to be in total control of her emotions to prevent a shaking or an earthquake. No time for letting go. Then the terrigen got out and she had to be always ready for a new inhuman news and... She wouldn't think of that, of him. She would focus on the present situation.

But the present situation was awkard despite it being also a sort of peaceful moment. Sitting in the same room with the man that had betrayed her and their team for a monster and the woman that was overly protective of him. And for some unfathomable reason she felt jealous. She wasn't sure if that jeaolusy was there because the deep buried feelings were starting to resurface or because they still had each other while she had lost her lover.

Lincoln...

She couldn't think of him, she couldn't. Not without remembering all the terrible things she had done for Hive, so that his plan would be successfull. She had heard all about Lincoln did to help her, risking his own life to test a cure that Simmons told him would destroy his immune system. Even after she had been freed from the sway, the sacrifices weren't over. She was the one who should have been in the quinjet. She saw that, Charles showed it to her but it didn't go that way. Lincoln did that, because he wanted to protect her and he died for her and yet despite all he had done for her, she was still dirty.

She had kissed him, hugged him, said nice things to him, believed in him, had sex with him, even told him that she loved him but none of it worked. Her deep buried feelings were leaking even back then. She unwillingly noticed the similarities between Lincoln and Ward and a voice in her head would always compare them. She had been barely keeping them contained after the war between inhumans and SHIELD and it only got worse after her confrontation with Fitz.

She had spent months creating an image of Ward in her head after his betrayel, to stop the fantasies which included them being together. She had hated him with every fiber of her being. But she had realised too late that the only person she had truly hurt with that attitude was herself. She had poisoned her head, her heart so much that when the antidote was injected, she couldn't handle it, the pain, the feelings, the realization. She couldn't give Lincoln what he deserved, a woman fully committed to him but he had given her that.

"I am going to check on Anna and Robin." Ward said, snapping her our of her thoughts.

"Be careful." Kara said and kissed his cheek.

"I am always careful." he said and caressed her hair a bit before leaving. There was nothing fake about this. It was real. She knew because that was what she and Lincoln were supposed to have but couldn't. Kara and Ward genuinely loved each other and they had started something beautiful and pure when he had moved on from her. It couldn't have been too hard. Those hurtful words she said when he was in the vault, the four bullets that spoke louder than them, the fire she had spitted at him even after he had apologized, the cold shoulder they had given each other while he was working with them to take down Malick... Ward still cared for her, it was obvious from this risk he took but he didn't love her. There was no hidden feelings that would leak from time to time.

He had caused her a lot of pain but she had hurt him just as badly while he was trying to make amends. They both had broken their promises.

FLASHBACK

It had been just a few hours since Simmons injected Skye with the miracle drug and she was healing at an impressive rate. She had already regained conciousness and wanted to get out of the bed, much to Simmons's annoyance.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, happy to see that she was no longer in danger.

"Good but I'll feel better if you bust me out. Simmons isn't letting me leave the bed unless it's for toilet. I swear I even miss the pull ups."

"I'll keep that in mind." Ward said playfully and smiled at her before returning to his usual serious demanour. He sit on the chair beside her bed and held her hand. "Skye, I am sorry you had to go through this. I wish I could have stopped this from happening." He said regretfully. Although he didn't know about Garrett's order to have her shot, he still felt the dread and the guilt of it. But now he believed that he had made it clear to him before going to the Guest House facility that Skye would always be off limits.

Skye smiled sadly. She too wished she hadn't been shot but it was over now. She was alive, the facility the Clairvoyant wanted to see was destroyed and Ian Quinn was behind the bars where he couldn't hurt anyone no matter which way he used, manupilation, money or gun. "I am okay, Robot. You shouldn'y beat yourself over this. It wasn't your fault. If anything, it was mine. I shouldn't have gone in there alone. It was stupid. I won't make such mistakes the next time."

"No, it was brave. And there will be no next times of this because I will always be there for you, to protect you wheter it is by teaching you how to defend yourself or by being there with you on the field, I will always be there." he promised and he meant it. No matter which path HYDRA, Garrett took him to, protecting Skye would be the one objective that would never change.

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Once Lorelei was caught and Sif took her back to Asgard, things finally cooled down. And thankfully Simmons agreed to let her out of the bed on certain conditions, like not tiring herself, among others. She was so happy to get out of the pod that she didn't care about the conditions she set in place.

Skye sat on the coach, reading the mission reports about the search for Mike Peterson. Normally she would need Ward or AC in the room to see them but May surprisingly decided to let her use her access level to see them. Unfortunately there was no sign except the attack on a safe house.

She put the tablet on the table and looked around. The BUS was very quite. It had never been this quite. Simmons and Fitz were in the lab as far she knew, May at the co*ckpit, Coulson in his office and Ward... Well she couldn't hear the punching sound she would normally hear so she assumed he was in his bunk.

Skye sighed. Ward had refused to come out of his bunk ever since Lorelei had been taken away. She could see he was feeling guilty when he shouldn't have. She stood up went to his bunk. If no one was gonna tell him that what had happened wasn't his fault, then she would.

She knocked his door and entered when she heard a barely audiable come in. Ward was on his bed but not in it rather sitting at the edge of it.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, turning the tables.

"I have been better." he said with hoarse voice. Ward once thought that no mission would ever be as bad as the one which he had to use the berserker staff but it seemed like the last one would beat it.

Skye sat beside him and held his hand. "Ward, whatever happened with Lorelei wasn't on you. I promise no one blames you." she said, hoping that he would look at her.

"Skye, it is not that simple." he said and stood up. He paced for a few second before sighing and leaning on the wall.

She stood up and went to his side again but this time caresssing his cheek. "Tell me, what is not?" she asked softly, trying not to pressure him. She knew Ward wasn't a big talker and when it came to his problems, he would be even more closed off.

"There have been times that I lost control, like with the staff and some of my early missions after the academy but I have never lost control like this before." he said and this scared Skye even more. Did Lorelei..? No, she wouldn't think about that just yet. Maybe it was about the mind control. Hell, she hoped it was only about that. But his next words destroyed her hopes and broke her heart.

"I slept with her." he admitted quitely.

Skye froze. It was a possibilty but... It was awful. Grant didn't deserve that, no one deserved that.

"I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have had sex with the enemy." he whispered. Skye looked at incredioulusly. How could he think it was his fault? That alien bitch had overridden his free will. This wasn't sex, hell this was rape. One of, if not the worst thing that could happen to a person.

Skye held his chin and gently made him look at her. "Ward, it's not your fault." When he tried to say something, she interrupted. "Tell me would you do it if you hadn't been under her spell? Would you do it now if you could?"

"No." he said simply.

Skye smiled sadly. "Then there is nothing you should be ashamed of. She is the one to blame, she will suffer for it and you don't have to be alone. You don't have to go through this alone, Ward." she said and held his hands. "I promise no matter what happens, I will always be there to help you. I will never leave you to face your demons all alone."

END OF THE FLASHBACK

Such truthful words they were. They both had turned on their words. Ward, no matter how many times he claimed he wouldn't hurt her, hurt her worse than any bullet, any enemy could. He broke her heart, destroyed the family she was a part of and the worst part was he wasn't bluffing, lying all the time. Their love, his friendship wih FitzSimmons, respect for Coulson and May all had been real.

And how was she any better? She let her bitterness, anger get the best of her. She mocked his suicide attempts, gleefully told him that he would be handed over to his brother, the same man who made his childhood hell and she shot him in the back for times. Like coward would.

Neither of them were good people. Ward had already accepted that maybe it was high time she accept that.

*I never shipped StaticQuake, for many reasons. One, that ship became Lincoln's sole reason for being a part of SHIELD, a part of the show. In the season 2, I believed that he would be the one who would finally open SHIELD's eyes and show them how similar they and HYDRA were. "-It's protocol. -HYDRA said the same." This dialogue strengthened my hopes but everything he did included Daisy one way or another. Plus he deserved better than Daisy. Daisy was literally child, who would whine when people didn't agree with her. Do you remember the conversation they had over the cure and the inhumans? Lincoln said that not everyone that could change should change and it's true. Jiaying made many mistakes but not choosing the potential inhumans randomly and not letting them all go through the terrigen were the right calls. Daisy compared this to Watchdogs, to the racist sharks who were hunting people just because of their genes. Daisy overall had no respect for Lincoln and his oipnions. Lastly, am I the only one who couldn't sense any chemistry between them?

*There are specific reasons, why I made Polly Hinton Ward's sister and got them to recoincile. First one, I am sure all of you can guess is season 5. And the secondly she was a crucial part of Ward's development. I didn't write about it specifically in the story but let me explain. We know that in the canon Ward family members are, Grant, Christian, Thomas, unnamed sister and their parents. Here Christian and his parents are dead, just like in the canon. Thomas in this fanfiction dies after Grant was sent to the military school and this was what provoked Grant to burn the house down. His sister is the only person left he loves from the family and she is the only one who knew Grant before John Garrett. Anna (Polly), Robin (his niece) and they visit Kara's mother together from time to time. All these people are good influences for both of them. They help them heal.

Chapter 9: "This was a good team..."

Summary:

Coulson reflects...

Chapter Text

"Don't ever tell me there's no way! It's on you. Get it done."

"We protect our own."

"You can't save from themselves, sir."

"You can if you get them early enough."

"I know what the safety of a thousand men is worth. I know the importance of taking the Overkill device out of play. But I also know my men ... and what they're worth!"

...

His skull was about to burst. The last time he hadn't been able to sleep and stayed awake this long was when he was drawing that alien writing. Now, he was seeing the man he used to be before HYDRA, the man at some point he almost stopped being.

With sweat running down his forehead, Coulson got up from the bed and opened a drawer. There was the picture he hadn't looked a for over a year. It was taken after his kidnapping, after they had recued him and their team became a family. He remembered that he had still been feeling the shock and the dread of finding the half truth about TAHITI and his death but before he locked himself in his office, he had felt happy and grateful to have this team.

After the HYDRA reveal and Ward's deception coming to surface, they either burnt all the pictures containing him or ripped him apart from them. This was the only one that didn't suffer either of those fates.

Because despite everything he had done, there was big part of Coulson that wanted that family back. He had come to appreciate everyone on the team. Simmons with her sweet and kind nature and genuine care, Fitz with his unending optimism, Skye with her snarky and rebellious attitude, Ward with the heart he had hidden underneath his serious demanour... (He never stopped appreaciating May)

And it was gone. Skye heartbroken, wanting turn herself into a mini-Cavalry not just to meet his expectations but also to ensure what Ward did wouldn't happen again. Gone was the lively girl he had found in an alley. Gone was the girl that brought the team some light even in the darkest hours.

FitzSimmons were no longer FitzSimmons. Fitz's faith in Ward had turned out to be misplaced (or it had seemed like that back then. The recent events were making them all reconsider). He faced the harsh truth of the reality and on the way he had almost lost the two things he valued the most. He had been slowly regaining them but the damage had left its mark. Simmons's change was less pronounced. For a while she wanted to act like nothing changed but it was impossible. Too much had changed for comfort and she lost not just her innocence but also her sweet nature, what had made her Simmons for years.

May's change was impossible to see to the others but he could notice. The team had started to melt her heart. She had been rebecoming the person she used to be, before Bahrain. But Ward's betrayel and being taken advantage of had put her in that stupor again.

Ward, Ward, Ward...

It all came to Ward at the end but there was a seed of doubt in him that wondered, did all of the fault lie with Ward? The team was devastated but did it have to stay that way? Ward had tried to reach out, make amends which they all had percieved as him manupilating them, specifically Skye? After how easily he had lied to them were they wrong to be suspicious? No, but they never tried to find out the truth. Something he had done for others.

Despite the unknown, the danger, the kills, and the crimes, didn't he defend Akela? Didn't he wait until he found out the whole truth before coming to a conclusion before making a judgement?

Skye... She had betrayed the team twice. On the first occasion, he listened and gave her a second chance but the second one, the one with her mother, he let it all slide. She had been played too and when she saw the truth she switched back sides, but did that change the fact she had chosen someone she had barely known over the people she had called family?

Mack, Bobbi, Hunter...

The two of them had betrayed him for the 'Real' SHIELD and Hunter had betrayed him to Talbot. But he had been forgiving. He even told Hunter to look from Bobbi and Mack's point of view. Did he even have the right to do that when he himself had refused to do so?

With Ward... Someone he had handpicked for his team. He couldn't even bother to find out his reasons for following Garrett or treat him like a human being. He wouldn't have said it out loud but he had always felt like he had been crossing the line. He knew the conditions of the Vault D were inhumane, against the Geneva Convention and the Mandela Rules but he justified it all by repeating that Ward was too dangerous.

However had it really been the truth, he wouldn't have had to repeat it over and over again to convince himself. He had been trying to silence conscience, not to hear the remainder that Ward despite what he had done was still a human being.

"I will personally make sure my brother is punished for his crimes."

Christian was probably the worst part of the ordeal. He could see Christian had been lying but he pretended, not to fool Christian but to fool himself. He didn't want to make Ward a victim of anything, including something he knew Ward had faced, something he had seen the evidence of, something he knew wasn't a lie, something he had realized Ward was still struggling with.

Christian would ensure a death penalty, something they all had believed he had deserved but hadn't there been other HYDRA agents, that had committed worse deeds and yet got lighter punishments? Why had he wanted Ward to die so badly? Was it to avenge the fallen SHIELD agents like Eric Koenig and Victoria Hand and everyone else who had died at Ward's hands? Was it for the team? Or was it because his wounded pride, damaged honour and the humiliation of missing a traitor who had been right under his nose for six months?

Honestly, it was all and now that deal was something he wished he could have fixed, not to clear his conscience or to act like the good man everyone believed he was but to do the right thing for the right reason.

"A good man is kinder to his enemies than bad men are to their friends." - Joseph Hall

This was one of the lessons his mother had taught him before her death. A lesson he had clearly forgotten as he hadn't treated his friends, the people who trusted his judgement or depended on him any better.

FitzSimmons, who were traumatized after the pod, never got the help they needed. Simmons literally had jumped on the undercover mission. He should have seen the red flags back then. He should have seen Simmons had been escaping from everything that had been happening and that she hadn't been heading down a healthy path. He could still remember the shock he felt when it was revealed that she had tried to kill Ward but accidently killed Bakshi in that Arctic base. If someone had asked him before that day, he would have sworn that Simmons would never try to kill someone in cold blood. He had been wondering ever since if he had gotten her the psychological help she had needed, would she have ever tried to do commit such a henious act?

Fitz's change was pronounced and his need for help more obvious. His IBT, his hallucinations, Simmons's absence, the ill-treatment he had gotten from the team except Mack... He was amazed that Fitz hadn't had a harsh confrontation with them back then. Fitz had been going through hell and he had ignored it. He hadn't even tried to provide him the therapy he had required while he had gotten it for Daisy.

"-Daisy, Daisy, Daisy... That's all that matters to you, isn't it? When something happens to her, you move heaven and Earth to save her but the others? Why should you care? Why should you give damn about others? -Look Kara, I didn't know about you otherwise I wouldn't leave you there. -And I am supposed to believe that! You're the director, you know the protocols in such cases. You never bothered to investigate my situation but this isn't about me, not fully at least. This is about you and your hipocrisy! You could gather your remaining men, make a deal with a man you despise to rescue your pet project during a coup while you can't give the others time of day! I can see what kind of a man you are and it's not a good one!"

He had dismissed those words but the reality was Kara's words held more truth than he would want to admit. He had failed not just his friends but also many agents, the people who had become his responsibility when he had become the director. He opened the file and looked at the list he had gotten from the Arctic base, the list that contained the names of the brainwashed SHIELD agents and the ones they had been planning on making comply. When he had first seen it, he had almost vomitted because 48 of these people were agents he had thought that had chosen HYDRA willingly, the agents whom they had fought against and... killed on field.

Those agents he had overlooked...

FitzSimmons...

Kara...

Ward...

Who knew how many others there were and frankly he didn't want to know. He didn't think he could bear it.

Hearts broken, minds fractured, souls shattered...

He should have done better, for SHIELD, for the team.

"This was a good team..." he mumbled and the truth was not everything was on Ward, Garrett or HYDRA. He had done his own share, caused enough damage to SHIELD and many people. Maybe it was in everyone's best interest for him to step down.

He sighed and started cleaning out his desk.

Chapter 10: How did we become this?..

Summary:

May and Simmons reflect...

Notes:

"Accept what it is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be."

Chapter Text

May

They called her many things...

Melinda

The Cavalry

Ice Queen

Stone Hearted Bitch

Child Murderer

The list went on.

But no matter how many names she had earned over the years, who she really was, the core of her personality, that never changed. Even after Bahrain, even after killing Katya and closing herself off, she preserved herself, her identity even if her heart was kept within thick walls, more resiliant than vibranium. She would always be a protector, even when she was sitting behind that desk, doing paper work.

A new leaf was turned in her life with Coulson's resurrection. She had a new mission, watching him and putting him down if it ever became unavoidable.

She never expected to put the walls down slowly. She didn't anticipate to feel like a mom to FitzSimmons and Daisy, never thought she would build a strong physical connection with Ward. She had never thought that the dysfunctional team would become her new family.

At first it was odd. After what she had done in Bahrain, after killing Katya, she was convinced she didn't deserve to be happy and the team was radiating with happiness. But she slowly got used to it, learnt to smile again, saw the beautiful part of life again.

Then it was ripped away. When Coulson discovered her secure channel and learnt of her mission, he gave a worse reaction than she had thought. His coldness, indifference stung more than any bullet or punch could. It was as if the years of friendship had never existed.

The only thing that had hurt as bad as that was Ward's betrayel. Out of everyone on the team, he was the one she had felt closest to, except Coulson. They had similar backgrounds as specialists, which had helped them bond, befriend and comfort each other as no one except another specialist could understand the hard calls you would have to make, and see the scars not only on your body but also on your soul.

They learnt to read each other.

They had created an amazing bond, or she had thought so.

Hearing from Maria that Ward had been working for Garrett the entire team broke something in her. Ward was the first person who had become her friend after Bahrain, after she had locked herself in. And learning that it had meant nothing to him, that it had all been a ruse to bring her guard down had been like a punch in the gut.

Though she shouldn't have been surprised, not at the news of him being a traitor but their friendship meaning nothing to him. That was how speacialists were trained. Keeping emotions in check and getting the job done.

Still it had been damaging more than she would ever admit. That was why she had fought against him so hard, to make him feel the hurt she had felt, they all had felt. And when it was over, when Garrett had died and Ward had been captured, at their hands, at their mercy, there had been times when May had wanted to go to the Vault D and scream at him, ask him why he had done it, wheter it had been worth it or not and most importantly wheter everything had been a ploy for him or not.

But she hadn't. Not because she hadn't wanted to show weakness and let him have the satisfaction of how much he had affected her but because she had known the answer deep down. She had seen that his feelings for Skye were real, she had watched the security footage from the BUS and seen that he had hesitated when he had seen FitzSimmons, let them take shelter in the pod and had gotten them off the plane before Deathlock or another soldier of Garrett's could get there.

She wondered what she had thought of back then again. Would she or Coulson have been less angry had the pod floated like it was supposed to?

She knew the answer to each question she had had but she wouldn't want a confirmation from him. Because it would humanize him, because it would make it all real. And that wasn't something she was ready.

Instead she had fuelled her rage, resentment, hatred and even though no one had been able to see it, her sadness. At the end she had suffered for it, more than he had but the worst part was the cost of her mistake had been devastating for Daisy.

She had turned Daisy into a mini Cavalry despite Coulson's concerns, despite the fact she had disliked the way she had been. Cold, lonely and filled wih poison, the poison she had passed on to an innocent girl like Skye.

She could see why she had run away. She had clung to the Cavalry ways of coping for so long that she had never invented her own, hadn't seen the need to do so.

Daisy was doing what she should have already done, becoming a person in her own right again instead of being someone's shadow or mini version.

She used to blame Ward for that but she would no longer ignore her mistakes. Ward's betrayel had been insturmental in Skye's decision to become more like her but it was May herself who hadn't stopped her to show her that she could be a strong person without being like her. Because she hadn't wanted to admit to anyone how aware she was of her damaged ways. She couldn't put her pride aside.

Pride...

Kara was another victim of her pride. Blaming a brainwashed woman for wearing her face was deplorable. The one to blame was Whitehall but he had been safe in HYDRA's HQ and Kara was in the perfect position to blame.

After Kara and Ward became allies, and then something between friends and lovers, her hatred multiplied. Because there had been a time when she was that. Back on the BUS, when the planet had been rotating around the axes they were familiar with.

She and Ward had never been in love but sex had created a bond between them, created a ground she had never been on before.

Ward's betrayel turned every night she had spent with him into a ploy, a seductive game he had played to get under her skin. When Ward and Kara had been helping them out with the Arctic base and Gideon Malick, she had watched them carefully, trying to find evidences of deceit, which May had found in her own relationship with him after she had re-anaylzed their nights, the time they had spent together.

But she had found none, which should have been something to be happy about as it was the proof of his change. But all she could feel was envy, envy at Kara because what she had was real. So she had found the solution in her damaged ways and been a monster to her.

"How did I become this?" she whispered. The question was met with silence that was eating her up.

She got out of the bed and went to Coulson's office. She wasn't shocked to see the desk cleaned out and the collections gone but it still stung to see that Coulson was being demoted after everything he had done to rebuild SHIELD.

She opened one of the boxes on the ground and found what she was looking for easily. She knew Coulson had kept this picture and she let him think she didn't know. She chuckled a bit at the thought of his dumbstruck face when he found out.

The family she missed and wanted back but knew she could never have again. She knew first hand how badly the false hope could hurt but she couldn't stop the seed from being planted.

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Simmons

From the innocent scientist who was oblivious to even her best friend's feelings for her to a self-aware agent who guarded her family, her loved ones at all costs...

It was amazing how much a person could change in four years and she would be lying if she said she didn't miss those old days.

She was relieved when Ward refused to be a part of SHIELD again because she couldn't handle him. Even though she was grateful to him for keeping Fitz safe and saving her from Giyera's torture, she couldn't look at him every day and ignore what she had tried to do, because if killing people had made him a monster, then what had she become when she had attempted to kill him and ended up killing Bakshi instead?

And the worst part was she hadn't regretted killing Bakshi but having failed to kill Ward. This thought had terrified her. When did she stop caring for people's lives? Bakshi had been a high level HYDRA operative, who had brainwashed, tortured and killed many people but did he deserve to be disintegrated like that? Could it be considered justice for all those lives he had ruined?

What about Ward? She had said that because she had failed to kill Ward, the next terrible thing he would do would be on her. Had she said that to justify herself or had she actually believed that?

She didn't know and she didn't want to. She feared that one day she would look at the mirror and no longer see herself but face the monster she had said Ward was.

"If I wanted to kill you, you would be dead. Keep that in mind! I never wanted hurt you or Fitz or any of you. I wanted to show you that but I no longer care what you believe. I kept Fitz safe on that planet and saved you from Giyera's torture, not to prove something to SHIELD or Coulson or May but because I care for you and Fitz."

He said that after Fitz, Coulson and Ward had gotten off that dreadful planet, after she had asked why he had helped them after he had tried to kill them and she had tried to kill him.

And it would be and understatement to say the answer shocked her. She knew how good of a liar he was and that it wasn't a good idea to believe him but there had been no need to lie. Ward had gained nothing from it and by the process of elimination...

He cared for her. Even after she had threatened and tried to kill him.

"I know you care about us, Ward!"

"I do. It's a weakness."

She remembered that moment vividly, mostly because she was amazed at how the tables had turned. A few months before, they had been in the same part of the plane and he had been trying to protect them from Tobias Ford and later, at that moment he had had orders to take them out.

Ironic, she thought.

That pod...

She wished she knew what had caused it to sink. But that wasn't the only thing she wished, wasn't the only what if she had on her mind. What if she hadn't abondoned Fitz in his time of need? What if she had been more open minded in regards to Daisy's powers and inhumans when she had first learnt them? What if she hadn't let her fear get the best of her and hadn't tried to kill Ward? What if she had managed to stay objective after SHIELD's fall?

What if she had managed to stay objective after SHIELD's fall?

That was the question, keeping her awake, not allowing her to get a good night's rest. The rest of the team had always been extremely subjective, even May who had seemed like more of a robot than Ward. She couldn't remember a time when they had been objective. The job of being the voice of reason had always fallen on her.

And after the pod, she had failed. She wished she had asked for help or at least confronted herself. Maybe, just maybe she could have prevented some of the damage from happening or maybe she would have been unable to change a damn thing. She wasn't sure. All she knew that now with Daisy out there as a fugitive, no one would stop to think the consequences of their actions or be objective.

Coulson and May regarded Daisy as a daughter, there was no way they would choose the legitimate SHIELD over her. They would go deeper into the shadows if necessary to rebuild the organization with her by their side. Mack and Fitz were the ones directly hurt by her when she had been under Hive's sway. They would take it upon themselves to show her that they didn't blame her. They wouldn't be reasonable when Daisy was wrecked with guilt.

So she was getting her old mission back. She was to keep everyone in line and she knew how: by earning the new director's full trust. She failed to adapt the last time around and clung to the past, she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

Chapter 11: From Where To Where

Chapter Text

Grant Ward

"We are all human, aren't we? Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving." -JK Rowling.

A second chance was what he had wanted when he had been in that vault, imprisoned and cut off from any contact with outside world.

He hadn't been trying to manupilate them. He had truly wanted to help, make amends but been shut down at every turn. Could he blame them for being suspicious and wary? No, after all he had lied to them and been betraying them for six months and no one had had any clue until Eric Koenig's body was in the storage closet.

The guilt that had eaten him told that he deserved it all. The taunts, the torture, the pain... Never once had he cried. Not just because he had deemed it a weakness but also because he had known it would be seen as a deceit, so he had broken silently. Those suicide attemts had been the break downs he reflected to outside but still, they were silent.

And just like he had told to Daisy, breaking down loudly is better than doing it silently. But there had been no way for him to ask for help, not after Coulson and May's promises of torture and making the rest of his life hell.

He had needed to hold on. He had told himself he could find a way, he only needed someone who would be willing to listen. May would rather beat him to death than give him a chance to explain. Coulson had been too angry to listen and how could he blame the man for it? He had betrayed his trust in one of the worst ways possible. He had broken Skye's heart, helped Garrett ruin innocent lives like Mike Peterson and his son, had almost killed FitzSimmons, which might not have been his intention but it hadn't changed the outcome. That was one the reasons he hadn't asked and wouldn't ask for forgiveness, but rather for understaning.

And he knew there would only be two people, who might want an explanation, the people who had been hurt the most by him: Skye and Fitz. He knew Fitz wasn't the same and would never be the same again from Coulson and while Ward was happy that he was alive, it was obvious that Fitz needed more than that. So he had asked for Skye, been refused but he had continued and one day, she did come.

He couldn't help but be thankful to Carl Creel. Seeing Skye after so many months, months that included blood, depression and pain, was like a medicine. He had tried to have a normal conversation with her but when it became obvious she wasn't ready for that he took a step back. If he wanted her to believe him when he explained everything to her, he had to be patient. He had do show her that he would be honest this time.

Looking back he wondered why he even thought let alone believed that plan would be sucessful was a mystery. There was a wall made of hatred, pain, anger between him and the team especially Skye and self doubt was added to it when it came to Fitz. This was all made very clear by his encounter with Fitz, Coulson's deal with Christian and Skye's glee with it.

At that point he stopped giving a damn about Coulson and May. They had no problems with any killing and spying he had done when they believed it was all for SHIELD, always believing that their precious organisation was the sole good in the world. They needed a gun to do their dirty work back then and later they needed a scapegoat who would shoulder all the blame and be punching bag.

They were angry over being played, over not noticing that his true allegiances and over losing a weapon that would be valuable in the fight against Hydra had he been truly on their side. They didn't even think that these acts were committed, not only by him but by also them, Barton and Romanoff and every SHIELD agent that infiltarted another organisation. No, he didn't care about their feelings.

FitzSimmons and Skye on the other hand were different. The damage he had done to the science duo was unforgivable no matter what his intentions were and he had always been aware of that. He understood where their pain was coming from. Skye too was similar. Even though hercallous reaction to the trade hurt, he understood her as well. He broke her heart, made her doubt herself and in her eyes played with her feelings. She too had the right to crucify him.

That was why he took Skye to her father, hoping to do something that would lessen her pain after he had added more to it.

The four bullets were unexpected but loud and clear. Skye detested him with a burning passion. He had foolishly believed he could try to make amends with her. He sould have known better, after all he had trained her half a year and saw with Miles how she treated people that had hurt her and lied to her. He wished he could say he stopped caring about her but he didn't. Skye was the person that had gotten him to open up, the one responsible for bringing his emotions to the surface after so many years which led to him caring for the team, regarding FitzSimmons as siblings, May and Coulson as friends. Not to mention the feelings he had had for her... No, he couldn't hate her or forget her but he was not an idiot. He wouldn't try to explain anything to her again or win her over.

Meeting with Kara helped him come to that decision actually. Here there was someone else, as broken and lost as he was with no one to help her. After he had gotten better thanks to Kara, he evaluated her situation. An ex SHIELD agent abondoned by the organisation she had dedicated her life to, sold out to HYDRA as if she was some sort of object. There anger sparked not just towards Coulson but also towards Skye. She, despite being sent from hom to another home in the foster system had Coulson, who would do anything for her. Kara on the hand was a much better person than he was, Skye was and yet the treatment she suffered highlighted how unjust the world was. He may have deserved what he had gotten from SHIELD for all the crimes he had commited for Garrett's survival but Kara, a woman whose only fault was, not being a director's favourite, had lost everything even her face. At that point Skye became the embodiment of all the favouritism that had taken place in SHIELD. Skye, when you looked at from an objective point of view was not special, probably less valuable in terms of asset compared to that mercenary Hunter but Coulson's affection and favouritisim of her would protect her from any consequence as proven by Fitz if what he had told about the events with inhumans were reliable.

He fell out of love after all that but no matter what he couldn't hate Skye. She was the one who gave him a taste of love after so many years. He could eliminate the love between them sure but not the affection. Also there was the matter of his promise. Even though she had broken hers, he wouldn't break his. He was a man of his word which led to him helping Coulson in his search.

The same search that paved way for Kara's closure, his and Fitz's confrontation and semi-forgiveness he recieved. He knew how much he hurt Fitz, the only person that had believed in him after everyone else gave up. Just like Thomas. He had failed Thomas at the well with Christian. He should have thrown the roop down for him instead of cowering away because of Christian. But it was in the past. He couldn't save Thomas anymore and he failed the first time around with Fitz as well but he was not gonna do it a second time.. He had had no intention of failing him again. He swore after the pod incident he wouldn't fail him again.

That was half the reason why he agreed to help take down Malick. He was a threat to Fitz and Simmons because of the portal and even thought he could still feel the shock of what she had done in Arctic, he understood the desire for revenge. It had burned in him for over a decade and only stopped igniting after he killed Christian and his parents. He had done what she had tried to do, so he understood but Simmons was ... good. And he wanted believe that incident would be a small slip up.

Understanding...Maybe that was why there was a smal part of him that cared for Simmons. Maybe one day she would have that for him too. He knew it was too much to ask but he ho- NO! Not hoped, he thought. Not after his parents, Christian, Garrett, Coulson and Daisy. He couldn't dare to hope. It has proven to be dangerous. Look where it had gotten him.

He hoped that his parents would prevent Christian from tormenting him and his siblings, hoped that Christian would look at them with love instead of hate, hoped that Garrett would be the father he never had and make him a man, hoped for a chance from Coulson. What had he gotten? Nothing. Always bumping to another wall.

Coulson eventually became willing to grant him one, but he was no longer willing to take it. Why would he? He couldn't rejoin SHIELD, not after the way they treated Kara, not after Coulson literally threatened to wipe his memories and turn him into whoever Coulson wanted him to be, not after Skye had mocked his suicide, not after he had been traded to Christian...

Coulson wasn't offering him a chance to be a good man, he was offering himself a chance to clear his conscience. He wouldn't give that to him, the satisfaction of feeling like a good man.

There were three people in this world who truly gave him a second chance, Kara gave him a second chance at life when she saved him not only physically but also mentally, Fitz gave him one at brotherhood when he chose to trust him for protection against Gonzales's men and Anna gave him a chance at family when she reincluded him in her life after he escaped from custody.

There was no need to pretend. These people were all he had left and he was grateful to have them. He wouldn't ask for more, he would protect what he had.

Chapter 12: Things Changed... Can They Change Again?

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Daisy Johnson

"I don't hate you. I'm just disappointed you turned into everything you said you would never be."

She really came close to screwing up this time. She couldn't help but scoff, just this time? There had been many times she screwed up.

She srewed up when she tipped off Miles. That led to a victory for the Centipede and deaths of at least three people.

She screwed up in Afterlife. Instead using common sense and logic, she fell for a game that could have led to a disaster.

She screwed up with inhumans. She tried to use them for her and SHIELD's sake without a regard to their feelings and desires.

She screwed up after Hive. She was suffering from withdrawl yes, that couldn't excuse bringing down building bridges and robbing banks. She remembered how she had accused Mace of helping Nadeer when probably she helped Nadeer gain more supporters with her actions and gave inhumans a bad name.

And this time the only reason she didn't cause a real catastrophe was Coulson. He saw what she and May couldn't and decided not to take the serum.

She couldn't look herself in the mirror anymore, knowing that she was selfish enough to ruin humanity for one man. Granted, that man was like father for her but how selfish she had been was obvious.

That was awful and something he did. Ward had been willing to sacrifice anything and everything so that Garrett could live but even he hadn't gone that far. He hadn't killed FitzSimmons on the Bus, he hadn't tortured her for the drive. Whereas she had been willin- not willing to, in another universe she had let the planet crack like an egg for her own selfish reasons.

It was incredible to see how alike she and Ward were. But at the very least he managed to accept what he was and make peace with while she always tried to have moral high ground to feel better.

Unfortunately this had never changed, even before SHIELD she had been like that. She had never had a problem with leaking anything classified and she didn't care who would see it and if it could hurt anyone. Then Miles decided to have some financial gain with his talents, and after that she decided to wipe him and decided to forget eveything he had done for her, everything they had been through before SHIELD entered the picture.

Unfortunately he wasn't the only lover she treated poorly. Granted she had a solid excuse with Ward but still... Mocking someone's suicide attempts? How could she have fallen so low? Even if the first two attempts were done to avoid interrogation and to make sure he didn't give anything. Third one couldn't be. Who would run to the wall just for that? No one but someone who couldn't handle solitary confinement and the burden of his sins? Well, he would.

Lincoln? None. He joined a spy agency he didn't trust one bit and changed his life compeletely just to be with her, to be close to her and she couldn't even respect his opinions. She remembered her argument with him about the cure and him saying not everyone should be allowed to change. How could she compare him to the watchdogs? They were almost another version of Nazis while Lincoln hade made a very good point. Some people weren't prepared for such a change, both mentally and physically. And those who turned because of fish oil, none of them signed up for that. It wasn't fair to them. But she didn't care. All she saw was a big pool she could create a team from.

Some opportunist she was.

She held her breath.

Was that all she was now?

She couldn't answer and frankly didn't want to. She couldn't help but laugh at that. Five years ago when she first joined, she didn't know where she had come from, who her family had been but she knew who she was. After all that time, all those adventures , after all that pain, she knew where she had come from, who her family had been but she had no idea who she was. How the tables turned...

Would she be able to discover herself again and become more than Agent Johnson?

"Was it all a mission? Did we mean nothing to you?" - SelinaBlackthorn (2024)

Chapter 1: No Other Option

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Chapter 2: A Chance

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Chapter 3: The Mission

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Chapter 4: Hope

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Chapter 5: How Much She Changed

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Chapter 6: Actions Have Consequences... Though Not Always For Everyone

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Chapter 7: Fugitive

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Chapter 8: Old and Buried Feelings, Old and Broken Promises

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Chapter 9: "This was a good team..."

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Chapter 10: How did we become this?..

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Chapter 11: From Where To Where

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Chapter 12: Things Changed... Can They Change Again?

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